Where I Live Friday...Our Dining Room

Ok, so I've been a total slacker over the past three weeks and not posted a Where I Live post since the kitchens!  I finally had some time to get caught up and here is my dining room post.  I will work on my living room and guest room this weekend.  

I LOVE my dining room.  As you will see with the living room post, our floorplan is VERY open.  It is the reason we purchased the house, it was a great house to entertain in!  I was very hung up on having a formal dining room (which we don't), but now I love having just one big open room.  It is where we host many dinner parties, holidays, and special occasions. 

Keeping with the original theme of my blog, to update our renovation following our house fire, I am post a few BEFORE pics.

My dining room BEFORE December 10, 2008.

I chose to put this picture in so you can see my MIA bridal portrait.  Thanks for all of your help selecting the replacement.  I am going in the morning to order it!

This is my dining room on December 10, 2008.  The AWESOME Catoosa Co Fire Dept covered all of my furniture (I give them all the credit to the fact that my beloved dining room suite survived with just a couple scratches!  They were amazing!!!!!)  There was water, sheetrock, and insulation EVERYWHERE!  You might also notice that I was able to salvage my favorite light fixture!

And now...THE AFTER...

This is the NOW.  My dining room furniture is the only furniture we have purchased since we bought our house and it is EXACTLY what I had in mind.  Clean, crisp, and contemporary, but not too casual.

This is my dining room from the kitchen/living room bar area.  When I chose my milk chocolate paint it was with the thought of my red valences!  I LOVE red and brown together and I knew it would look awesome!  My next major purchase (when we actually have some extra money again!) will be a rug for under the table.

My china cabinet is my very most favorite piece of furniture that I own.  I LOVE the way my china and crystal look on display in it.

I have never been one to leave placemats on my table if I was not using them, but my aunt gave me these Vera Bradley for my birthday and I loved them too much to put them away!  I also LOVE my lemons that I have as my centerpiece.  Another holdover from before.

I found this canvas at Steinmart last year.  It also survived the water and ceilings crashing in around it.  I LOVE how it picks up the brown in the walls!

I thought it would be fun and different to show you some of my favorite pieces out of my china cabinet.  Since I've already confessed my love for glassware and shown you my formal china and crystal, here are my favorite glassware pieces...

My miracle china!  Funny story time!  When I set out my Christmas decorations (10 days before the fire) I decided that I would place my Christmas china on the table and thought, seriously, what was the worst that could happen, Spencer doesn't get near the table and we don't have kids!  Ha!  Well, a few weeks went by and I was looking at pics of my Christmas decorations and realized they were on my table...that the ceiling fell on!  Since the insurance company packed our house, I didn't know if they made it our not.  When I unpacked, I had all 12 in perfect condition!  So, they are my miracle china!  Ha!

My Favorite Glass Bow, I love it!  It is almost the same pattern as my crystal and It makes a beautiful centerpiece or even a punch bowl!

I received this vase as a shower gift and it looks awesome as 

the centerpiece of my china cabinet

Here Comes The Sun

It has been so dreary and rainy for about a month here.  Apparently TN/NW GA didn't get the memo that it is supposed to be April showers, May flowers.  Instead it has been steady May Showers.  Well, since Monday we've had beautiful late spring weather!!!!!!!!  I am hoping for at least a pretty day Sunday so we can get the boat out and soak up some sun!  It always makes me happy to get some sun and I know I need it.  I am looking a little pasty!  Ha!

Today has been a good day.  Other than the fact I am STILL not sleeping well (if you have any suggestions, PLEASE help a sister out!) and decided to go ahead and get up at 5:45 this morning and get to work around 7:15, I've had a good day.  Today is one of my favorite days of the year at work.  All of the surgeons go to a meeting away from the office and we usually have a mandatory meeting in the morning then we are free to either work or leave for the day.  I chose to work so that I could take off on Friday and have a 4 day weekend!  I got my office and some of the patient rooms that I use cleaned and stocked, and my paperwork caught up, so I still left at 3:00.  

However, I found out around noon that Michael was at home not feeling so well.  Michael has a bad back and we think doing some yardwork Monday night might have caused him to have some back/neck pain today.  We got him some medicine and now he is sleeping and we are hoping he'll be able to get  back to work tomorrow.

I have my monthly hair appointment tomorrow!!!!  I am thinking about cutting about 2-3 inches off my hair for summer.  It grows VERY fast and it is getting a little out of control.  I am also going to go even lighter on my highlights!  I am feeling the need to be a little more blonde for summer!  Ha!  Friday I am planning on taking off from work to clean house, take Spencer to the groomer, and do laundry.  Michael's family is coming in for the weekend, so I'll have to work hard to get everything done on time.  

Hope everyone is having a good week and I'll be back tomorrow night or Friday to let you know what I did with my hair!  Ha!  

PS: I have not forgotten the Where You Live Friday posts.  I had a couple emails both weeks I did not participate asking to see more of my renovated house.  I just haven't had a chance to take any pictures, but I PROMISE, I will take some this weekend and post them soon!

A Second Chance

Have you ever wanted to go back and have reprints of pictures that meant a lot to you, but maybe didn't get the first time?  Well, I have been given that opportunity and I am in need of some opinions, please.  When we got married I got a bridal portrait to hang in my house, which was hanging in my dining room at the time of our fire.  When we moved back in, it is no where to be found.  Not sure if it was damaged and trashed by the people that came in and cleaned or just lost, but now it is time to replace it.  In the four years, almost five, since I selected my portrait, I have changed my mind on exactly what I want hanging in my house.  I had the traditional stairway, turned around, bridal pose before, but now I am wanting something a little more artsy and less traditional.  I went to my parents today to look at my digital proofs with my mom and we have narrowed it down to a few.  So, now I need the help of my blog friends to help me chose the final one.  

These are the raw proofs that have not been edited, so please excuse the quality.  It will be a 16x20 canvas.  They are in order of my favorites.

1

2

3

4

5

I also found a few wedding pictures that would work for the same purpose on my computer.  I need to look at my proof book and make sure there aren't any others I might like better.

6

7

8

So, please leave me a comment and let me know which one you like best!  Remember, I am going for a less traditional, not so posed, artsy picture.

P.S.: I also wanted to show you the other picture I am having made into a 16x20.  We had another traditional, side by side, look at the camera, in the church picture of us both before and now I am ready for something more artsy with this one too.  So, I decided that while I was at it, might as well blow up my favorite to a 16x20...

Wild and Crazy Wednesday

Just wanted to check in with some randomness today.

That is the best way to describe my week.  It has been WILD!  I thought it may be like that, but as of right now I have seen 27 patients already this week (that is a lot for my two doctors this early in the week) and we have a full office of 14 tomorrow!  Pray for me!  Ha!  

I am so tired.  The crazy afternoons of seeing anywhere from 8-12 patients, finishing around 5, getting back to my office and returning calls, leaving around 5:30-6 and then coming home and cooking dinner, etc are wearing me out!  I was so tired last night I couldn't even sleep.  I think I may have to have a date with my friend ambien tonight.  

Also, who is watching all the great TV this week?  Monday was DWTS (I am still pulling for Melissa, there is no stopping a scorned woman, you know!), last night was Real Housewives of New York Reunion (gotta go watch that now on the DVR!), tonight I don't really have anything, so I'll probably watch the rerun of Real Housewives of New Jersey, and tomorrow night is Grey's Anatomy season finale.  I am thinking that if they kill of Izzie I may be done with the show.  Then, I will turn my focus on the season finale of Desperate Housewives.  I am getting a little anxious about little MJ on that one! (yes, I know, I talk about these people like I know them!!!)  What are you watching this week?

Happy Mother's Day

Well, I made it.  After a HUGE breakdown late last night, I have done great today.  No tears, although there was a brief moment I thought there might be at Outback at lunch and later in the day while my family was here.  I hope everyone had a good day too!

We had lunch with Michael's Mamaw and then went to the cemetery where his Mother and Grandmother are buried.  It is always hard for Michael to go there and it puts my situation in perspective for me.  I know it is hard to not be a mother when you want to be, but at least I have my Mom and Nana.  I know they are watching us and are so proud of Michael.  

We had my parents and Nana over for dinner.  Michael grilled potatoes, chicken, and veggies.  I want to thank my mom and Nana for everything they have done for me and for being the very best there is.  I love you both more than anything and I am so blessed to have you both.  I hope you had a great day and enjoyed your dinner at our house.  Hopefully next year we'll have a cute little baby to love as well!

I hope all of you celebrating Mother's Day for the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 10th, etc time had a FABULOUS day!  I love you all and you've all taught me so much about how to be a great mom one day!

I wanted to leave this week's Mother's Day for the Hopeful with this scripture that is my theme and a song that I feel goes with it.  

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a HOPE and a FUTURE.” Jeremiah 29:11 

The Wait

Today is one of the days I knew would come this week.  I am having a hard time knowing that so many of my friends are celebrating their first Mother's Day or 2nd, 3rd, etc and again, I am feeling alone.  I know that I am not really alone. I have a supportive husband, wonderful parents who try to understand, and friends that pray for me and are there when I need to talk.  Most days I feel consumed by thoughts of infertility.  Very rarely does an hour go by that there is not some kind of thought about it, rather sad or hopeful.  This afternoon has been one where rarely did I think of anything other than the fact I am not a mother on Mother's Day...again.

When I was going through my last miscarriage I bought a book called "Hannah's Hope".  It is a wonderful book that I want to encourage all of you that struggle with infertility or miscarriage or support someone with infertility or miscarriage, to read.  In that book I found a poem that I have come to rely on during days like today.  I posted it back in the winter, but I think it is needed today.

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said,"Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?
"I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".

- Russell Kelfer

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

I wonder how many times my Nana told me when I was little, "good things come to those who wait?"  She loved to tell me that when she would lecture me on my patience (which by the way, isn't her best attribute either!).  That definitely can be said for infertility and TTC.  While it seems like we are waiting FOREVER, we are just waiting on God's perfect timing.  I found this scripture right after my first loss and it has gotten me through some rough days.

“But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day." Habakkuk 2:3

Is that not the truth?!  That is what is so hard, but we have to keep in mind.  It may seem years late for us, but it is perfect in God's timing.  So, until then, try to remember this also:

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my HOPE. Psalms 130:5

The theme for today's post came to me on the way home from one of the craziest days I've had at work in a long time.  I prayed that God would give me the energy to write a post and tell me what to write about.  Then as I flipped through the channels on Sirius, I came to this song on The Message.  It is a song that makes me feel better every time I hear it and it just fit perfect with struggling to have hope, patience, and being prayerful.

I hate to interrupt this post with this, but I am so excited, after all the years I've been addicted to reality TV, I actually know someone that will be on a reality show tonight! Ha!  Haven Howell that I went to high school with will be on The Fashion Show tonight on Bravo!  I will be watching this weekend on the DVR!  Good luck Haven!

The Song Says It All and Happy Nurses Day!

First, I want to thank all of you who have left comments or sent emails over the past couple of days since I started my Mother's Day for the Hopeful (I thought that was a cute thing to call my theme, don't you! Ha!) blogs.  I am going to try to write you back soon, but it may be this weekend before I find the time.  

Number 2.  I wanted to give you an update on my kidney stone.  Went to the new urologist today and it went ok.  Still no real answers, but it appears that I have had a stone over the past couple of weeks, whether it is still there or not, not sure.  I was sent for a lot of bloodwork and I go back in 3 weeks for a follow up.  I am feeling much better.  Please continue to pray for me that this thing either passes or stops hurting!  Oh, and I almost forgot, I have lost a total of 17 pounds since February 16!!!!!!!!!

Number 3.  I want to say HAPPY NURSES DAY to all of my nurse friends out there!  I got to have lunch at the Chattanooga Golf and Country Club today for Nurses Day, which was very nice and I am so thankful to Dr. Rowe for taking us there!

Now, back to the theme of the week.  Mother's Day for the Hopeful!  Kelly posted this song a couple of weeks ago and back when she was TTC and I think it says it all.  I think I have watched it about a thousand times in the past 8 or 9 months!  Get your Kleenexes out girls, it is a tear jerker!

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  Hebrews 11:1

We Are Hopeful, Patient, and Prayerful

There is one thing that I have found in my journey toward being a Mother, you've got to remember to praise God for the hard times as well as the happy times.  I have been so blessed to have seen the words "PREGNANT" on my pregnancy test twice.  I will never forget how thankful I was to see it the first time and I don't know that I've ever felt so thankful than I was the second.  Of course, neither of those turned out like I had hoped, but I know God has another plan for me.  

When my thankfulness and happiness changed to heartbreak and despair both times, I also praised God.  I actually think I had more of a peace and a feeling of praise the second time.  I am not sure if it was the difference that seven months of growing with God from the first miscarriage to the second or if it was the new sense of priority that I developed after the fire, or both, but I felt an overwhelming peace in the OB office that day.  I became so full of praise that I had accomplished the one hurdle many couples face, of not being able to get pregnant, not only once, but twice. (I know that there are many of you out there that have not been able to get pregnant and I pray that you will get to experience that joy SOON!)  My OB, whom I love so much, keeps reminding me of that fact and telling me not to lose HOPE.  How awesome is it that my OB tells me to have HOPE?! 

I have had to stop so many times and remember that I need to have HOPE and patience, and pray for help from God to have HOPE and patience.  This is hard for me more times than not, but when I start to get down and I start to lose my HOPE, I have to remember Romans 12:12, "Be joyful in hope, patient in trouble, and persistent in prayer."  I have had to lean on that one A LOT over the past few months!  What more do we need to remember about TTC other than to be joyful, hopeful, patient, and prayerful?  That pretty much sums it up for me.

I have always been someone that is very optimistic and hopeful (almost too much most of the time!).  However, patience is NOT my thing!  Ha!  The past eighteen months has taught me so much, and I feel that God is above all trying to teach my patience and to have more faith in Him.  He knows what he is doing and I think it is to teach me to lean on Him and have at least a little patience.  I have also been guilty of not being the most prayerful person.  I am not proud of that, but I am doing so much better.  I think this verse is almost speaking directly to me.  God wants to make sure that I am joyful in my hope, patient in my troubles, and persistent in prayer.  

Here is a song that speaks to me on some many levels.  It is not exactly on hope, patience, or prayer, but I heard it on the way home and just had to post it tonight!  I called it my theme song last fall and I guess it still is!  (you'll see this week that Natalie Grant's music gives me so much encouragement) 

Mother's Day Week

This week is going to have it's ups and downs for me.  I remember last year thinking that it would be the last time I would spend Mother's Day without being a mother.  It is hard to believe that so much has happened to us in our journey to be parents in just a year and I am hoping that it will be true this year.  I have been so blessed to have the best mother and Grandmother in the world and I want so much to share that with a child of my own.  Because I have both my Mom and Nana, I am looking forward to spending Mother's Day with them, but I know that at the same time my heart will hurt even more than normal.  It is the one day that recognizes the one thing I want to be most in the world and another day that it will feel like everyone ignores my pain and despair.

So, what am I going to do about it?  I am going to do my very best (which might not be much) to try to encourage those of us on this journey to being a Mother this week.  I am going to post each day how I am feeling (whether it be positive or negative) and also a poem, scripture or song that encourages me in hopes that it will help you to also have HOPE on Mother's Day! Remember, we MUST HAVE HOPE!  I hope this will help us all get through Mother's Day with HOPE that we will have our first one next year!

I read this poem a lot.  It gives me so much HOPE and says so much about how I feel sometimes.  There are so many nights that I wake up and the first thought I have is about infertility.  I also spend a lot of time crying and praying during my private time that no one knows about or sees.  The line that states "my dream will be crying for me" is my favorite line because I KNOW I will remember it and cry tears of happiness over it when I am feeding a baby at 3 am!  I plan to do a LOT of praising God and giving thanks at 3 am!!!!

I know a lot of you also feel the very same way I do.  I hope if you have not seen this poem that it will touch you as much as it has me since I found it on another blog last summer.  

(I also do not want to hurt the feelings of those who may read my blog that have children or those of you who may not have suffered from infertility.  You are all WONDERFUL mothers that love your children SO much!  I have learned so much by watching your example and I can only hope to be a mother like you one day!)

There are women who become mothers without effort, 
without thought, 
without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of

 genetics or money or because I have read more books, 

but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, 

the people who truly have appreciation 

are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep,
explore, and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him

 and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.  

My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; 

that God has given me this insight, 

this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to 

or a child that God leads me to, 

I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. 

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. 

I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, 

yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, 

I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. 

I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.  

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, 

of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.

 I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

Where I Live Friday...A Few Days Late

Thank you for stopping by to have a cup of coffee in my kitchen!  Our kitchen has always been Michael and I most favorite room in the house.  We spent the most time selecting our colors and countertops for our kitchen in the rebuild because it is definitely a room we love spending time in!

Since most of you know that our blog was started due to our fire, I thought that as we did the tour of homes, I would show a before picture of what each room looked like before the fire!  So, to start things off, this is our before photo...

After from the hallway...

From the Living Room...

The dining room from the kitchen...

My most favorite piece of furniture I own.  My china cabinet!

One of the qualities I inherited from my Nana is a love of glassware and china!  When we got married, I think I enjoyed choosing my china and everyday dishes more than anything!  I have Noritake Chandon Platinum for my fine china (which, yes, I actually use on holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries) with Noritake Rockford crystal.  For everyday, I have Pfaltzgraft Sphere dishes and two different sets of glasses.  One for everyday and one for guests!

Every good cook (which I do not claim to be, but I am working on  becoming one!) has to have a favorite appliance.  This is mine!  I LOVE my red mixer!  I use it for everything, from mashed potatoes to cakes.  Thanks mom and dad, I am getting plenty of use out of it!  :-)

Since so many of you were patient and gave me great advice when it came to the great canister debate 2009, here is the final selection in my kitchen!  They look fabulous!

We also have this cute little wine cabinet that took a little hit from the fire, but still looks cute.  It has a lot of scratches and leans to the back, but I still love it!  

This concludes the tour of our kitchen.  Please come back soon when the red valances are hung and all the pictures are placed!

Kidneys, Take Out, and CTs

I'm back and that is what my week off consisted of!  It has been hard, but I made it through my blogging break!  Ha!  I did check in on a few of you throughout the week, but mostly I went to work and came home to my couch and had take out.  Why you ask, because I woke up last Saturday with a KIDNEY STONE and have been miserable ever since.  

For those of you who don't know me IRL, I have suffered with kidney stones since I was 17.  In March of 1999 I had a HUGE stone that caused me to develop fluid in my abdomen and pelvis and become septic (bad infection) and required surgery to remove.  Ever since then I have been blessed with chronic infections and kidney stones.  

I knew it as soon as I woke up, it is an unmistakable pain that I KNEW was a stone.  I luckily had some strong pain medicine and phenergan left over from my ankle injury that got me through the initial pain and nausea.  I felt a little better by Sunday so I went with Michael to get the boat cleaned and put in the water.  I still felt ok Monday and made it through the day pretty well, but by Monday night, I was hurting and sick again.  Tuesday Dr. Smith made me have a CT.  So, I left work, went to have a simple CT, well that was not so simple.  I needed a beta Hcg (blood pregnancy test) before they would radiate my pelvis.  So, not only did I miss 90 minutes of work for nothing, I got to find out that my first cycle back TTC was a failure (so much for the excitement that I had that my baby would be due on our 5th anniversary)!  Finally on Wednesday afternoon I got to have the CT which showed a possible stone.  We aren't sure if I passed one and I have pain from inflammation or if it is still there.  I am going to see a new urologist on Wednesday.  

So, yes, good thing I took a blogging break!  I am feeling a little better today, but not as well as I should without a stone.  Hopefully the new urologist can figure out why I am a stone machine.  I wish I had some cool pictures to show you from my blogging break, but I don't think you want to see pics of me lying on the couch in front of a pizza box or Logan's to go!  Ha!

I'll Be Missing You

As I'm sure all of you regulars have noticed, I have not blogged a lot lately.  I am just going through a lot right now.  I am busier at work than I have been since I changed positions last year, trying to get settled in our house, and trying to spend more time with Michael.  Also, I am just going to be honest with you.  I am having a hard time right now trying to understand why I've been TTC for a year and a half without a successful pregnancy.  Also, we are having a hard time financially right now.  Car sales hit rock bottom this month and I am not real sure how much longer we can survive if they do not come up soon.  So, anyway, I've been spending a lot of time praying and trying to focus on other things.

Kelly posted that she is taking a blogging hiatus and I think that is a fabulous idea.  I have only been online on the weekends lately anyway, so for right now, I am going to take a break.  I just need to refocus and get somethings in order.  I just need a break.

I do promise I will be back, and probably pretty soon!  I am still praying for you and will probably check in on you from time to time during my break.  You girls have gotten me through some hard times before, so I know I can't leave you now.  It is just that I know in my heart that I need to spend my time with Michael and refocus on my priorities.  I will probably check in this weekend, but if I don't, I'll see you again soon!  :-)

8 Things...

Natalie at The Brocks Rock tagged me a couple of weeks ago to answer these questions.  I am just now getting around to it.  :(

8 Things I am Looking Forward To:

1. Having a baby 

2. Getting out of debt

3. Meeting even more new friends through blogging

4. Getting our house back together

5. Taking a vacation soon

6. Car sales picking up so we can do #2 and #5!

7. Getting out boat out on the lake!

8. Enjoying the summer

8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Pedicure

2. Cleaned kitchen

3. Laundry

4. Watched Baby Mama

5. Took a Nap

6. Ate at Logan's with Michael and his dad

7. Sat on my patio 

8. Took a Bath

(Yes, I had a relaxing day!)

8 Things I wish I could do:

1. Have a baby

2. Have my boat at a marina

3. Park in the garage

4. Know that we can definitely afford a vacation and plan one

5. Pay off all of my debt

6. Eat out every day (I love to cook, but it is so much easier to just go out!)

7. Quit work and be a stay at home mom

8. Live without my blackberry (I am an addict!)

8 Shows I Watch

1. Desperate Housewives

2. Celebrity Apprentice

3. Dancing With The Stars

4. Gray's Anatomy

5. Dean and Tori (yes, I know it is pitiful)

6. Girls Next Door (even more pitiful!)

7. E! News (don't judge, where do you get your news?)

8. Today Show

I tag Brittany, Julie, Lianna, and Anna.

One Week Down, Another Begins

I am so glad to have the past week behind me.  In case you can't tell, it was quite busy given the fact I have not written or posted any comments!  I am still hoping to post some Easter pictures soon, but my camera is dead and I have no clue where my charger is!  Crisis!

We have had a pretty good weekend.  Yesterday Michael's dad came back into town to finish the garage project.  It is ALMOST finished.  I wish I had a before pic, but just imagine wall to wall boxes!  We have most of everything that needs to go in the attic up and a lot that needs to go to Goodwill, so hopefully, by next weekend my car will see the inside of the garage again!

Not much else going on with us.  We are just getting ready for another week.  Tomorrow is looking busy and so is Tuesday.  It is always busy when one of my doctors has been out of town as Dr. Barker has been.  Also, if you or someone you knows needs a car, Michael would LOVE to sell you one!  :)

Happy Birthday Michael!

Happy Birthday to this super sweet, wonderful guy that I met on a blind date seven years ago and married three years later!  I love you more today than I did yesterday, the day before that, the year before that, and the year before that!  You are my best friend and the person I want to spend everyday with for the rest of my life!

I hope you had a great Birthday and that this year will be the best year you've ever had!!!!!  (I'll do better next year and make sure the camera has a full battery before we go out for your birthday!  I love you anyway!!!!)

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28 Is Not So Bad...So Far!

Thank you for all the Happy Birthday wishes on here and facebook!  You are the best!  I had a great birthday yesterday and so far, 28 is not so bad.  I spent the day shopping and going to lunch with my mom and then last night we went to see my favorite cover band, The Velcro Pygmies (for those of you who asked) at Rhythm and Brews with my best friend 

Lauren and her husband, Eric.  We had a lot of fun!  

At Big River before the concert eating dinner.  

At the concert!  We had so much fun, even though it is was crowded and hot.

The best picture I have (even though it is terrible) of the band.

Thank you for all the prayers for my friends and family in Murfreesboro.  I'm sure Michelle will have pics up soon on her blog when the power gets restored.  She has already posted a few on facebook.  Very scary!  My two biggest fears have always been heights and storms. 

Today, I've been cleaning the house like a mad woman because Michael's family is coming in for the weekend and I have neglected the house this week with all that is going on.  I'll post some pictures from tonight and Easter tomorrow!  Hope everyone has a very safe and Happy Easter!

Urgent Prayer Request

My good friend Michelle and her family need your prayers!  Her mother's home was destroyed today by the tornadoes that swept through the Murfreesboro area this afternoon.  They are all ok, but I know how they feel it is so scary and heartbreaking.  I don't have any other details, but as far as I know, all of my friends and family there are safe.  

(UPDATE:  I received a text from my cousin and their neighborhood was hit hard, but they were lucky and their house was ok.  Please pray for their neighbors as they start to clean up.)

We also had some bad weather this afternoon.  This is what it looked like in my backyard when it was all over.  I have never seen hail that large!  It was golfball sized when it was coming down. (please excuse my dead potted plants!  I was planning on working on that today before the nasty weather!)

You've Gotta Have Friends

Those of you who are regular readers know that I love my job and those that I work with.  They all knew that I was having a hard time with this birthday and decided to do a little something to cheer me up.  This is what I walked in to find my friends doing this morning...

They decorated my door and office.  Love you, Kristy and Cindy!  You are the best!

Another girl in the office had a birthday today, so we shared a party!  This is our yummy cake that my friend Dana had our mom make for us.  Thank you!!!!  It was super tasty!

Are these cupcakes not the CUTEST, most girly cupcakes you've ever seen!  We all wore the rings out the them all day!  Mine matched my outfit! Ha!

  

Everyone brought yummy food and we all ate all day long.  Both of my doctors came to eat with me and that meant a lot that they took time out of their busy day to spend a few minutes with me.  Again, I love you all!  Thank you all for the Happy Birthday and all the love and support you show me everyday.  You all really are the best coworkers anyone could ask for!

My dad did have his surgery today and is now back at home resting.  He did have a pretty bad infection and large stone.  He has a stent in his urethra now and will have another procedure on Monday to break up the stone so he can pass it.  Please continue to pray for him.

Tomorrow will be a busy Birthday for me!  My mom and I are going shopping for my birthday and then Michael and I are going to see my favorite cover band with my BFF Lauren and her husband, Eric tomorrow night!  I am getting excited about the day after all.  I'm sure it will still have a few minutes of sadness here and there, but I owe it to my friends at work for making sure I started my birthday off right today!  

THANK YOU!!!!!

The Birthday Blues

Every year of my life I have been excited about my birthday and eager for the next year.  This year is just a little different.  I know it is crazy to a lot of you, but all of my life I have had my goal of being a college graduate, wife, world traveler, and a mother by the time I am 28 (or out of high school 10 years).  I have accomplished all of these goals except the most important one (to me) and I turn 28 in two days.  Part of me is still looking forward to the next year, but the other half just sees another year filled with another empty Mother's Day, Christmas, and another due date will come and go without a baby.  I almost started crying today when someone asked me what I wanted for my birthday!  Would it be weird if I told them I just want to ovulate????  Haha!

This time last year I just KNEW I would have a baby by the time my birthday rolled around again.  Same thing with Mother's Day, which is quite depressing considering it is a holiday honoring those who have the one thing I want more than anything (but that is another story for another post!).  I also get sad when I think about the fact that I just knew that I would have at least one baby, if not two, by the time I went to my 10 year high school reunion (which is in September).  The other day on facebook (which is quickly becoming the devil to this infertile girl!) I had a mini meltdown when yet someone else made a pregnancy announcement.  I just feel like I will be the only one at the reunion without a baby or pregnancy story (at least one with a happy ending).  I know that is not the case, but it feels like it more often than not.  I just don't feel like I am where I always thought I would be and it brings me down.  I am hoping I have an unexpected peace when Friday gets here.

I am taking off from work on my birthday to go shopping with my mom.  I have always had to work on Good Friday, so I am excited to have the day off.  My favorite 80s cover band will be playing at a club downtown Friday night, so we might go see them, but I am not sure yet.  

Tomorrow is my dad's surgery.  Please continue to pray for him and his urologist as he undergoes his procedure.  I'll update you all tomorrow night.  Thanks again for all the emails, comments, and prayers you've sent.  You girls are the best!

Burrrrrrr!

Again, are we sure it is Springtime?!  It is 41 degrees at my house right now and we've had snow showers on and off all day!  CRAZINESS!

Update on my dad.  He had a lot more pain and complications from his kidney stone, so he is now sitting at the hospital waiting to be admitted by his urologist.  I just got home from work (at the same hospital he is at), but I am going to change clothes, go get their dog and bring him to my house, and then I may go back and check on him before bedtime.   Please continue to pray for him.  Looks like he will have tonight and tomorrow in the hospital, then on Thursday they will push the stone back into the kidney (from where it is lodged) and then he will go back to the office for a procedure to break it up to pass it on Monday.

I'll try to update again tomorrow, but I am not sure how my day is going to go around work and seeing my dad.

It is Spring, right?!

What is wrong with this picture?  That's right snow and a high of 45 for tomorrow then a high of 70 two days later!!?  What great spring weather!  Ha!  Hopefully Easter will be warm and pretty!

We had a pretty busy weekend.  Saturday I went and got a pedicure and walked around Homegoods and Hobby Lobby (yes, it is impossible for me to stay away!).  I got a super cute easter egg wreath for my door, I'll have to take a picture tomorrow evening, it is dark and I am in pjs.  Saturday night we went to eat and hang out with some friends at The Terminal, a new brewery downtown.  

Yesterday we spent the day with Michael's sister, Melissa.  I forgot my camera (bad blogger, I know!), but we had a lot of fun.  We went downtown and sat outside and enjoyed the pretty afternoon until it started raining.  Then we went to PF Chang's and ate dinner.

Today was yet another busy day at work.  Not sure what is going on, but it seems EVERYONE is either having a problem or needs surgery all of a sudden!  We aren't going to complain about that though, business is good!  :-)   My dad did have to come in and see Dr. Smith today.  He was having some pretty bad abdominal/back pain and we were concerned that it might be a flair up of his diverticulitis, but turns out it was just a kidney stone!  He is at home trying to take pain meds and drink lots of water.  He could use your prayers for a fast, pain free passing of his kidney stone!  :-)  I've had four, they are NOT fun!

TGIF!

As most of you know if you have been reading, I've had a couple of hard weeks.  I am not sure if it is just being back in my house (which was very overwhelming in itself.  I just feel so blessed to have it back in one piece and to how lucky we were) and having time to think, but it has been really hard.  I have also had a couple of bad weeks at work and knowing another birthday and holiday (both in one weekend) without a child, is just around the corner just combines to bring me down.  However, sometimes I think that it can always be worse and that I need to just give thanks for what I DO have.  

God has blessed my life in so MANY ways!  When I get upset or sad, my supportive husband is there to pick me up.  God knew what He was doing when he put someone so laid back in my highstrung life!  There are so many that do not have parents like I do.  When I get frustrated with them I try to remember that they care and that is why they are they way they are sometimes.  When I worry about paying the bills or upset about things that I need to replace from the fire, I remember that at least I have a home that is mine and almost all of our belongings.  It was the most overwhelming experience the day we moved in and I realized that we came so close to losing everything we had.  When I get stressed at work, I praise God that I have a job that so many do not have.  I have been blessed with amazing friends that without them, I would not be able to make it some days.  I cannot imagine what it would be like to live a life without friends (that includes you blogger friends too!).  

So, when you start to feel down or sad, try to remember the good things happening in your life as well as the sad.  I know that sometimes the sad outweigh the happy, but it does help to praise God for the blessings too!

Midweek Happiness!

Yay for the week being halfway over!  I am soooooooooooo ready for the weekend!  I haven't slept well this week and had a couple of long days at work and an all day conference today, so I am READY for the weekend! 

I have also had a hard time this week.  I had this crazy goal when I graduated high school that I would have five things accomplished by the time I turned 28.  I would earn a bachelor's degree, get married, have a great job, travel, and have a baby.  Well, I've done all but one of these things.  The difficult part is that I turn 28 next week and I feel that I have failed at the most important goal of all.   I know it will happen one day soon, but until then I just feel down.  I have never failed at anything I set my mind to and it is hard when something this important is out of my control.  Yes, I have control issues!  Ha!

I found this on a blog this week and I wanted to post it for you to read.  http://www.fertilityauthority.com/blogger/lgordon/2009/03/23/good-morning-infertility

It is EXACTLY how I feel most days.  I just thought that those of you who understand might want to read it and those of you who haven't been there might have a better insight to how I feel.  I have those exact feelings almost everyday.  It is so hard to get up everyday, do my same routine, and I even feel sad at work.  I really don't think I could have put this in writing any better!

Hope everyone has a great Thursday!  :-)

Happy Doctor's Day!

I just wanted to say Happy Doctor's Day to my two favorite surgeons!   Hope you both had a great day and it is an honor to be your nurse!

Dr. Barker

Dr. Smith

Sleepy Sunday

Thanks again to everyone who left me comments last night and today.  I have felt much better today.  The storm only lasted about 30 minutes in our area, but it was still pretty scary for me.  Michael ended up coming home while they were passing through which made me feel much better.  I am still trying to decide if I want to call for an appointment with my OB, but I'll decide something by tomorrow afternoon.  

This is how we spent most of the day...

Spencer and I have slept and watched TV on the couch all day except for the 30 minutes I took to get a shower and when I stopped to cook dinner.  We decided this morning that since it was a cloudy, cold day, that we would just lie around in our pjs!  It was the most relaxing day I've had in a LONG time!  

Hopefully this will be a much slower week at work.  Last week wore me out!  I think that is why I felt bad yesterday and crashed today!  Also, don't forget if you see any doctors tomorrow to be sure to tell them Happy Doctor's Day!  :-)

Rainy Days Get Me Down

First, I want to thank all of you who have shared your personal experiences with clotting disorders with me.  Your stories have helped me so much.  Also, I feel like I have to be honest with you today.  So many of you have commented or emailed me over the past three months to say how strong you think I am and to tell me that I give you strength.  Well, girls, I am not always so positive and today is one of those times.   I am not going to lie to you, I'm having a hard day today.  It is windy, rainy, and just plain gloomy here.  I started out having a good day and then somewhere this afternoon I physically started feeling blah and then my emotional selfpitty took over.  

After I cleaned my house I started reading sad blogs and researching my clotting disorder AGAIN.  I seriously need to step away from google!  I just feel like I cannot know enough.  I guess it is the nurse in me, but I.MUST.KNOW.EVERYTHING.ABOUT.FACTOR.V.LEIDEN.  I have pulled out my nursing books, miscarriage books, pregnancy books, and googled until I can't google anymore.  All that I am left with is, yes, this can be a potentially life threatening problem for both mother and baby and no one is sure how to treat it.  However, women have healthy pregnancies and babies everyday with no effects.  At one point I wasn't sure if I even wanted to try again.  What if this time I make it to 40 weeks then have an umbilical cord clot and loose my baby at birth?  Or, what if we make it home and we are alone and I have a pulmonary embolism and die before anyone can get to me (I have a few patients that have had this very thing happen and come close)?  It is just sooooooooooooo overwhelming.   

I think I am going to make an appointment to see my OB this week and talk with him in person with Michael.  We both have a lot of questions and I need to know EXACTLY why he has the plan he has for me.    I just want to be 100% comfortable with the treatment plan.  If I am not, I may ask for a referral to a hematologist (specialist in blood disorders).  

Michael is planning on having a guys night out and I think I am going to curl up on the couch with a book or watch Lifetime Movie Network.  We have a lot to do tomorrow, but I may just spend the day in my pjs being lazy.  We haven't had a Sunday like that in about 4 months!  It may be time!

EDIT:  We have a tornado warning only about 2 counties over and Michael just left.  Here is my first test with my fear of storms that is obviously gotten worse since the fire.  Looks like Spencer and I have some serious cuddle time coming!

Coincidence, I Think Not!

Do you ever wonder just how much of a coincidence things really are?  I have always been a believer that everything happens for a reason.  It doesn't matter what it is, good or bad.  As I have thought about my clotting disorder and the events that led to it's discovery I realized God has done some AMAZING things in my life over the past ten years that I know have all worked together to get me to the same place.  Here is the chain of events:

• Fall 1998 Decided to go to UT Chattanooga instead of going "away" to college

• Fall 1999 Joined Alpha Delta Pi sorority

• Sept 2001 A sorority sister introduced me to Michael and fell in love after our blind date.

• January 2002 Started nursing school with the anticipation of working in labor and delivery for my entire career.

• May 2004 Graduated and began working in the adult CCU at Erlanger Hospital instead of L&D.  I cannot imagine how I could have ever delivered babies on a daily basis and dealt with infertility. 

• 2005 Got married and began missing Michael during the three days I work nights and he is working days and we never see each other.

• Late 2005 realized I need a day job and preferably a Monday-Friday job, found one working for a trauma surgeon.  This becomes a job that I love and I feel so blessed to have it.

• 2007 started TTC, how hard could that be?!

• Fall 2008 After one year of TTC and a miscarriage, no answers from OBGYN, started to get frustrated, a former coworker and the before mentioned trauma surgeon recommend I see a new OBGYN they both think highly of

• Jan 2009 second miscarriage, ready for some answers, NOW! 

• March 2009  find out I have a potentially life threatening clotting disorder and I realize that if I had not followed the path I took in my life to get where I am RIGHT NOW, I would not know and could have possibly had a blood clot or worse before finding out.  (My previous OBGYN would not test me for this disorder even though I asked TWICE)

God works in some AMAZING and AWESOME ways, doesn't he?!  Let this be an example that God puts you in the right place at the right time everytime and everything happens for a reason.

Thankful Thursday

I have something very important to be Thankful for today!  I received my final results from my OBGYN today.  Apparently my first test was correct and I do have a clotting disorder.  I have heterozygous Factor V Leiden.  I know you are probably wondering what in the world that is!  I know I was!!!!  It means I have a deficiency in Factor V meaning that I have an increased risk of developing blood clots than a normal person.  Only 3-5% of the population has this disorder and those with ancestors from Sweden have a 10% increase in the chance of developing the disorder.  Well, guess where my paternal Grandmother is from!  

I'm not really sure how to explain this to you as I am trying to figure it out myself.  I do know that the concern is that it can cause small blood clots to enter the placenta or umbilical cord and cut off blood supply to the baby therefore cause a miscarriage.  I am at a peace to know what is wrong, however, I am worried about the treatment my dr has recommended.  He is wanting me to take 81 mg Aspirin daily once I get a positive pregnancy test.  From what I know from nursing (again, it is a HUGE handicap to have the knowledge that I have) it might would benefit me to begin now and then take an actual blood thinner during pregnancy.  I am really happy to have a cause for my miscarriages and a way to treat it, but on the other hand, I am really nervous and upset because I am not sure I am happy with the treatment.  If you have any experience with MTHFR or Factor V Leiden, please email me and tell me your story.  

I did start cycle 13 today and what a great way to start it by receiving news we are ready to start trying again!  I just need to trust my doctor and continue to have HOPE AND FAITH that great things are coming my way!