Thankful Thursday

This week I have a few things that I am overly thankful for.

First, I am so thankful and happy that Baby Harper is doing so well!!!! This picture just made me cry the first time I saw it because I can only imagine how Kelly must have felt.

Next, I am thankful that the work on our house has begun!!!! My dad went by today and all the sheetrock is out, cabinets and vanities are out, and they are starting to pull up the hardwood. It won't be long until we start seeing some rebuilding!!!!!!

Wonderful Wednesday!!!!!

Need I say more...

That is right, Harper is off the vent and eating like the 9 lb 12 oz girl she is!!!! :-)

PTL, great things He has done!!!!!!!!

Hair

UPDATE: I just got in and since it is 10:00pm, I am not going to post a pic of me (it has been a long, hard day! :) I had my hair cut about 4-5 inches which falls right above my shoulder in long layers. It is pretty cute, I think. :-)


Today is the day I go for my every 4-6 week hair cut and color. I am loving having the blonde in my hair, but the long hair is starting to irritate me! I know you girls are honest and love giving your opinion, so tell me what you think...

Short...

OR...

Long...

PRAISE!!!!!!

I'm sure you all know by now that have been following Kelly and Harper, but have you ever seen anything so sweet?

Last night when I got home and looked for an update I just wanted to cry! I was happy and excited for Scott and Kelly!!!! Isn't she just beautiful?!!! I really feel like in the next couple of days she will be off the ventilator completely and we will see the picture we've all been waiting on, Kelly holding her beautiful baby!

Please keep praying, it is definitely working!!!! :-)

Bachelor Recap Week #4

Ok girls, lets talk Bachelor! First, let me say that all the girls I did not like have gone home, so yay for Jason! Next I have been dying for the tent date and that finally happened, so lets discuss that! No matter what happened on that day (and I think we all know), any good self respecting girl is NOT coming home in his clothes! I'm sure her parents were super proud of that!!!!

Now, lets talk the two to one date with Stephanie and Nikki. Did Nikki's very manly sideburns bother and distract anyone other than me?! It was all I could look at! Ha! Anyway, I was very happy that he kept Stephanie although her voice and stepford wife ways irritate me.

Lastly, what about the rose ceremony? I was happy to see that he used his brain and got rid of Megan and Lauren. I was surprised he got rid of Shannon, but she irritated me last week with her breakdown during the rose ceremony and I haven't cared for her since. It isn't like these girls didn't know what they were getting into! Not to mention, did she make her own dress last night?

Does anyone have any idea when DeAnna is coming back? I was thinking maybe next week, but it looks like next week is all in Seattle.

House Update

All I have to say about this morning's big news from the insurance company is, "Lord, please help me to not hate the adjuster and want to kill him." Yes, I am seriously considering first degree murder this morning. The adjuster called with the news that they would not replace the entire roof, just the section that had to be repaired. WHAT??? Are you kidding me? Now, I will have two different colors and size shingles on my roof. WHAT??? So, yes, I am seriously considering murder!

Next, after much debate and analysis, we decided to forgo the bonus room at this time. Right now we just want to get in our house and this will speed things up and cost a LOT less money. We will probably go ahead and do it in the near future, but right now money is tight (does anyone need a new car? Michael would LOVE to sell you one!) and we just want our house back. We are still doing the upgrades on the existing house, so it will still be much better when it is finished.

Lastly, I am thinking about planning a long weekend trip for us after all this is over. Does anyone have any ideas? Somewhere warm, sunny, with a beach is ideal! :-)

Puppies, Ice Cream, and Demolition

Thursday night I went to the store and I spotted the coolest thing for the dogs, puppy ice cream! I thought the deserved a treat for living together and behaving nicely (for the most part!), so I bought it for them. Beasley is used to eating people ice cream so he wasn't too sure, but Spencer LOVED it! After a minute or two, Beasley did too.

Yesterday was the day we have all been anxiously awaiting...demolition has begun!!!! I went over to see what had been done and I couldn't believe how much they got done in just 24 hours! They actually knocked out one side of the hallway while I was there! This is going to go fast then we will ready for the fun part...rebuilding!

Foyer all torn down!!!!!

Living Room from the kitchen. It is halfway done!

Our Bedroom which is now the holding place for all the light fixtures we are trying to salvage!

I spent a few minutes at Sherwin Williams today. I have officially become obsessed with paint samples! I know what colors I want, but how will I ever decide what exact color I want? There isn't just the right red, blue, brown, or green!!!! UGH!!!! I did take my samples with me to the house and I have narrowed it down to a few favorites, now I just need to decide which of those I like best.

Decorating Help Needed...again!

Ok, the time has come to make some serious decisions about the house. Here is latest. They are moving out the last little bit of furniture today (or so we are told) and demolition should start sometime next week (we hope). I have to pick my paint colors and hardwood by the time we are ready to start the rebuild (within a week of the demolition starting), and that could be within the next two weeks. I am still looking at the following paint schemes and I need very honest opinions.
Living room/foyer/hallway: light olive green with chocolate brown accessories and accents.
Kitchen/dining room: red with black granite countertops, light brown floor (because we have to keep our current tile), and a brown stone colored tile backsplash and red accessories and accents (I have a red stand mixer, can opener, salt and pepper mills, and French Chef decor). Chocolate brown valances in the dining room with gold or dark brown placemats and any accents.
Master Bedroom: light blue with chocolate brown in our tray ceiling (I know it is a little out there, but Michael insists!) with a light fixture instead of a fan. I have chocolate brown curtains with blue and green circles on them that I will use again (if they come clean) with a white coverlet.
Master Bathroom: Chocolate brown from the ceiling with bright white trim.
Guest Bedrooms and Bathrooms: Chocolate brown with various accessories.
Bonus Room: stairwell will be a light brown and the room will be a dark chocolate color because it will serve as a media room and we want it to be dark. This is where we will spend all of our extra time watching tv.

Ok, now I want honest opinions! What do you really think? :-)

Thankful Thursday

Today is Thursday, so we all know what that means...Thankful Thursday! :-) This week I am feeling much better and I am trying to have hope. Afterall, if you don't have hope, what do you have?

This week I am so thankful for my friends and family that have been praying for me to have peace and strength. I do have some hard times, but over all, I feel peace and hope for what may come next.

I am also very thankful to God that these two precious babies are doing better. I love both of their mommies for being such encouragement to me and I pray for them everyday.

Girls, stay strong and get lots of rest. Those precious babies are going to need you to have a lot of energy when they come home soon!

Infertility = Broken (warning, very long, but honest post)

I have had such a wonderful response to my infertility award post. There are so many of you out there that understand just how I feel and I wish I could tell you how much that means to me this week, but honestly, there are just no words! I have been pretty down lately. I try to put on a brave face and try not to be so transparent, but it is hard. Only a very, very few at in my family, friends, at work know what went on in my life last week and that is just how I want it. I am tired of getting sympathy looks, people ignoring me because they don't know what to say, or those that try to give me advice.


When you are TTC and the whole world knows it because you've had a miscarriage, so the secret is out, you tend to get a lot of "advice". For those of you who want to give advice, please don't. I pay an OB a lot of money to figure out what is wrong, and he is working on it. When you have endometriosis or a possible septum in your uterus, it doesn't matter what you do to try to get pregnant. Especially if getting pregnant isn't the problem (as in my situation). The other thing I've noticed is people with children tend to stop inviting you to birthday parties or talking about their children in front of you. Please don't do that. It just hurts my feelings and makes me feel more isolated. Infertility is the loneliest journey I've ever been on (I always thought being an only child was lonely until now). The last thing I need is to feel isolated. Please just be my friend and do not ignore me or try to be my doctor. A friend is the most important thing I need now.

On the subject of feeling isolated, I have discovered I love my husband more and more every day. He has been there for me to cry on everytime I needed it starting the moment I saw that empty ultrasound picture two weeks ago. I know he is sad too. This is something we want more than anything else in the world and it has been 15 months now of TTC and we have nothing to show for it, except a lot of heartache. Everyone is worried about me, but I worry about Michael. I know he hurts and he says he hurts for me. He says he hurts because he cannot "fix" this for me. That broke my heart, but makes me love him so much! So, if you come in contact with him, please ask him how he is too, not just how I am.

Even though for whatever reason God is not ready to give us a baby yet, I think He gave me a pregnancy during the holidays to help me make it through. I spent all of November and part of December dreading Thanksgiving and Christmas. The thought of another holiday without a baby of our own brought me to tears everytime I thought about it. I threw myself into decorating because it gave me an outlet during what was the hardest time of my life (or so I thought until December 10, when things really got bad). I remember sitting in my car after I moved it watching my house burn and thinking that I just could not have a happy holiday season at that point. How could I? First, I did not have a baby or a pregnancy to be thankful for and now, no home to celebrate the season in. Well, 10 days later, God gave me a reason to be thankful and I spent an entire day crying and praising God for giving me this reason.

The worst thing in my opinion that has happened to me during the past 15 months, is the heartache I feel everytime someone else announces they are pregnant. I am not a jealous person, but I have a jealous feeling everytime I hear that God has blessed someone else and not me. It makes me feel like a terrible person that I even feel that way, but I cannot help it. Please don't be upset if you are someone that has told me you are pregnant. Even in the second or so that I am jealous, I still love you and very excited for you, just sad for me. I want to see your ultrasound pictures and hear how you are feeling, but PLEASE don't complain about your pregnancy or that you miss things you can no longer do. I would give anything and pay any amount of money to feel like you do and to give up those things.

Many people have asked me what our next step is if there is something wrong (I get this a lot, except most people that ask don't know that there is a real reason to ask, just infertility), well, I don't know yet. It depends on what is wrong, if anything. I do not have a peace about IVF or adoption. For one thing, we cannot afford IVF. Also, I want to conceive my child as naturally as possible (which we know we can do). With adoption, I am not to that point yet, even though I tell Michael that I am when I get scared and cry about the possibility that I may never be able to sustain a pregnancy to term. Part of my dream is to be pregnant. I want to experience EVERYTHING about being a mother and a big part of that is carrying a baby and giving birth. For right now, we are looking into a few possibilities that my OB thinks may be a problem. Two of those would require surgery. While I am NOT looking forward to another surgery, I will do anything to have a healthy pregnancy at this point. Another option would require daily injections once I know I am pregnant until after delivery. Again, I will do ANYTHING to have a healthy baby. So, please don't give me advice about any of my options, just support us in our decisions and in our trust of our doctor, who we both really like.

If any of you are still reading, thank you! I use this blog as a journal and this is just how I feel today. Some of it may be repetitive or I may repeat it again later, but it helps to put it into words tonight.

Wonderful Wednesday

Since today is Wednesday, I have to share what is making me happy today!



This picture of little Harper Stamps! Isn't this just the sweetest thing you've ever seen?!!! It makes me happy that she is doing better and this picutre just made me smile so big this morning!!!!

Speaking of this morning. It was 14 degrees when I got in my car!!!! BURRRRRR! So, what did I do, I went to Starbucks and got my favorite post Christmas drink. Cinnamon Dolce Latte! It is devine!

I bought this book on Saturday. It has given me a wonderful peace. I am almost done with it and I love it. I may read it again in a few months. It uses Hannah's story to help those dealing with infertility, miscarriage, and infant loss. It was just what I was needing. I have already shared a lot of it with Michael and my mom is next. I hope she is needing something to read, because it is coming her way soon!

Inauguration Day 2009

Today is a day that will forever be known as a very important day in American history. I love American history, so it fascinating to me. I think everyone knows how I feel about the way the election turned out, but I am praying for the new president and his cabinet that they have the wisdom and strength to make the right decisions for our country. I also want to say that I appreciate the job that President Bush did. I know that our economy isn't the best it could be, but he has kept us safe. I pray that we continue to be safe and God will continue to bless our country.

I congratulate President Obama and will commit to pray for him and I also wish President Bush the best as he moves back into private life.

Bachelor Recap Week 3

Ok girls, what did you think? I still like Melissa and Stephanie (although she is kind of stepford wife material). I think the trashy moment of the week had to be the body sculptures. Seriously, I cannot even imagine doing that on national tv, and those girls were flaunting their stuff proudly! Well, then again, I don't have anything to flaunt! :)

Looks like next week may get pretty interesting with the overnight camp out. Again, seriously, is it necessary to come home in his big baggy clothes? I mean, would you take a walk of shame on national tv????

Award Time!

I have an award to give. It is the "I Will Not Be Silent About Infertility" Award for those who are not silent about infertility. I know I definitely deserved the award when I looked at the criteria:

-If you could make a little house from used pee sticks and OPKs. (Check! I was embarrassed that the movers saw all the empty boxes in my vanity!!!)
-If you talk in TTC acronyms nobody except people on the internet understand. (check!)
-If you have ever been stuck with any needles in order to achieve pregnancy. (check!)
-If you have had to stick yourself, or your husband has had to turn into your nurse in order to do it for you.
-If you've ever seen a blank ultrasound screen. (check! So much that I dread the next time I have to go in for a prenatal appointment)
-If you have ever gotten shower invites, family photos, or birth announcements in the mail and had a good cry. (sadly, check)
-If you have watched someone go through an entire cycle of pregnancy in the time it took you to even try. (check, check, check, check, and check)
-If you have ever heard "just relax" or "it's not your time" or "it's God's will". (check!)

-If you dread holidays because you cannot announce a pregnancy to your family. (check!)
-If you dread holidays because there are no children to share them with. (check!)
-If you have ever held a baby or child and quietly pretended for a second that they're yours. (check!)
-If you have ever walked around the store in order to avoid the baby/toddler section. (check! Did that the other day in Walmart)
-If you cannot park in the front spots of a store because they are for pregnant and expectant mothers only. (check, I did that the other day thinking I got a good spot, imagine how upset that made me 2 days post miscarriage)
-If you've ever had to go IN the baby/toddler section of a store in order to buy something for someone else's baby. (check!)
-If you've ever yelled out during watching a movie or tv show about someone who's trying for a baby, "That's SO not realistic!" (check, again embarrassing!)
-If you've ever sat around with a group of women who shared birth stories and labor pains and felt like you didn't fit in. (check, almost every day at work)
-If you've ever told anyone you are infertile and they're response was, "That sucks. I'm super fertile! I can have all the kids I want!" (check, but not in so many words)
-If a fertile person ever told you that they would be your surrogate because they have no problem getting pregnant.
-If you have ever gotten a shower invite through email while sitting at work trying to forget about TTC. (check!)
-If you know what an RE is. (check!)
-If you have ever graphed out your cycle on chart paper. (check!)
-If you have kept a HPT or OPK in your purse to use when you were at work or out just in case. (check, every month!)
-If you can't wait to see the peak symbol. (check!)
-If you have ever spat on a microscope in order to see ferns.
-If you laugh when people tell you to use pillows under your butt after sex.
-If you have picked out crib bedding or nursery decor online and you're not pregnant. (check!)
-If you have ever felt panic when seeing a pregnant lady. (check!)

If you meet the criteria above, or you'd like to submit your own, please post the following award on your blog. This is for all of the women who will no longer be silent about their infertility. This is to remind you that you need not be ashamed and you are definitely not alone. This is to remind you to speak up the next time someone gives you fertility advice.

Rules for posting award:
1-Link back to this post so that others will read the original story behind the award

2-Nominate 4 others who have not been "silent about their infertility"

3-Enjoy speaking out and speaking up

I nominate: Lianna, Amy, and Faith, because they are all so strong in our fight to become mothers!!!! I love you girls, we CAN do this together!

Weekend Wrapup

First, before I give my usual weekend wrapup, I want to thank you all for the prayers you have been sending for Brayden and Harper! They are both stable and absolutely precious! I thought maybe you would want to see these precious little babies!

This, my friends is the beautiful and tallented Haper Brown Stamps (future Miss Arkansas, I am told!). The latest on this precious little girl is that she is just holding steady. They are starting to worry about a heart condition as she has an enlarged heart on one side. Hopefully we will know soon exactly what is causing her pnuemonia and respiratory distress. Please also pray for her doctors as they run tests to figure out what is going on.

This is the handsome future boyfriend of Harper, Brayden Wiley! (Yes, their mommies know each other IRL, so it is a possibility!) Brayden is also holding steady at Arkansas Children's Hospital in Little Rock. Pray for his PPHN and for his doctors also.

As for the Ledfords, we have had a pretty uneventful weekend. It was cold and icy last night and this morning, so we just stayed at home in the warm house. My mom went on her girls trip with her high school friends to Gatlinburg, so we've all just been hanging out with my dad keeping him company. I have also been glued to my computer and blackberry for updates on the babies. I did have a complication from my recent loss last night and today, but it resolved itself around noon. I will have to call my dr in the morning and probably have some blood work run due to the fact that I lost a lot of blood in a short amount of time. This afternoon I was feeling better so we went ahead and kept our appointment to meet with our builder in our FREEZING house (it is usually a little colder in there than outside since the fire). We signed our contract and as soon as Citimortgage gives us the go ahead, we will begin demolition and rebuilding! It looks like we will be getting a lot of upgrades and a bonus room, so please pray all that works out! I have to choose my paint and flooring soon, so I will be working on that this week. After we met with him, we went to Lowe's to play around and look at some things just to get ideas (even though we have to go through his vendors). I am trying to decide a color for corian countertops, anyone have any ideas. I think I have decided to go with a medium brown kitchen with red accents, what color would you get, dark or light????

Well, that is it for today. PLEASE just keep praying for my friends babies. They need all the prayers, love, and support they can get.

PTL! GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have two wonderful pieces of news to share with you all. First, as of about an hour ago, Kelly updated that Harper is no longer on the list for bypass!!!!!!!!! PTL, great things He has done!!!!! They are so thankful for all the love, prayers, and support over the past few hours. Please continue to pray as she is not completely out of the woods.

Next, many of you that have followed my blog since the beginning know that my good friend, Jenn is due any time. Well, this must be the weekend for beautiful babies, because Baby Emma is here!!!!!!! I am waiting to hear updates and see pictures, but Baby Emma is here in South Carolina!!!!!!! So, if you could, please say a prayer that Jenn and Emma are doing well.

Keep the Prayers Coming, They are Working!!!!!

PTL!!!!! Baby Harper is stable and keeping her oxygen saturation high! She will still need to be placed on ECMO (bypass machine) for a few days to let her little lungs rest. I woke up several times during the night (when I finally turned off the computer) and just prayed that God would heal this sweet, much loved child.

PLEASE keep the prayers coming, God is listening to us all!!!!!

There are a few other blogs (other than Kelly's) you can go to for detailed updates. You can find her mother's blog here and her father's blog is here. Also on my blog list is her best friend Laurie.

Prayers For Harper

Update: Harper is in Tulsa at St. Francis Hospital on a heart and lung bypass machine. Scott and his family are with her now and Kelly will be joining them as soon as she can be released. PLEASE continue to pray!!!!!!!

Please, please, please remember my friend Kelly and her sweet baby Harper in your prayers tonight. Harper was born at 7:03 tonight and weighed 9lbs 12oz, but is not doing well at all. She has pneumonia and is being flown to the children's hospital in Little Rock as we speak (they live in NW Arkansas). Kelly's husband Scott is going with her and Kelly will join her tomorrow. Please pray for this family! DO NOT STOP PRAYING!!!!!!!!!!

A Permanent Home!

In an attempt to make me feel better about all that is going on and because I love blogger, I am going to be making this my permanent blog home!!! (I know that makes you happy, Meag!!!) Haha! Anyway, I will be changing my web address this weekend as soon as I come up with something cute and when I do, I will let all of you know what it is. Sorry for the inconvenience, but I am tired of seeing temporary home. It kinda makes me sad. :-)

Update

I just got back from the dr and everything is done! I have to say that this was by far easier than my D&C in July and really was easier than the 1st day of most periods!!!! It wasn't the way I had hoped my pregnancy would end, but God has a plan for us. We just have to wait a little longer to see the results! I go back in three weeks for a follow up where we will schedule my testing. I am out of TTC until all results are back, but it won't be too long.

For those of you on Harper watch 2009, can you believe it?! Today is the day!!!!! My blog friend Kelly is in labor right now and sweet little Harper will be here before we know it!!!! Please pray for this sweet family. They have waited a long time for this special day!!!!

Another blog friend is in need of your prayers. Jenna gave birth on Tuesday to a precious baby boy, Brayden. He is in critical care in a hospital a few hours from their house with pulmonary hypertension. PLEASE pray for them.

Thankful Thursday With A Twist

UPDATE: I want to thank you all for the sweet comments today. All of my life I have had friends put in my life by God that seemed perfect for me at that time. Now, God has put each and every one of you in my life for the reason that you are all so caring and encouraging. Those of you who are also waiting on a child, we can do this together. When I feel alone and like no one understands, I know that I can always go to my blog list and find someone who does. I have absolute FAITH that one day we will all be praises on the prayer blog together!


I realized that with the holidays and everything going on in our lives lately, I have neglected (AGAIN) to do Thankful Thursdays and Wonderful Wednesdays! Oops! Well, here we go again!

I have not posted about our latest news because Michael and I were waiting to tell anyone, but five days before Christmas we got a wonderful Christmas surprise that we were pregnant! Everything seemed to be going great, my beta level was rising fast and higher than normal, I was tired and sick and feeling completely pregnant. Last Wednesday we had our first appointment and our new wonderful dr could only find a sac, no baby. AGAIN, just like before. I was devastated and spent a lot of the last week questioning why. He wanted to see my back in 10 days for a repeat scan, but I was not going to wait that long again, so he compromised with Monday with labs. If the u/s had not changed and the lab work was where it needed to be, then we would move on with a D&C or a medication that would work as a D&C at home. Monday showed us what we needed to know and I elected to take the medication yesterday morning. It seemed to work, but not as much as it is supposed to (according to all of my research and knowledge of the drug from nursing school), so I just spoke with him and I am to stay home again today and if nothing else has happened by tomorrow morning, come back in for another u/s to make sure everything is gone. Now, I am sure you are asking why in the world would I post this on Thankful Thursday???? Well, it is because I am very Thankful for my fabulous, wonderful OB that I love more everytime I talk to him, I am Thankful that yes, I can get pregnant, although there is something going on that keeps my eggs from developing into healthy babies. The reason why my OB is so fabulously wonderful is because he has promised me, everytime I've been in the office and on the phone that he WILL find out what is going on and do his very best to fix it. The next step for me is to undergo some testing of my anatomy. For those of you who remember from my gallbladder surgery, I have a rare condition that places my abdominal organs on opposite sides of where they are supposed to be. This can also effect your uterus by causing a uterine septum. This can be easily repaired, but we just have to find out if that is the problem. We will also undergo a lot of lab work.

So, anyway, please pray today that this process is done and that I will not need a D&C. If I have to have one that is just more scar tissue and trauma to my uterus that will make having a baby more difficult. Especially if I do have a uterine abnormality. Please pray for my OB that he will make the right decisions and be able to diagnose what is going on with us. And also, please pray for us that we continue to have strength and see this is just another obstacle that will lead to a healthy baby soon.

Bachelor Recap Week 2

So, what did you girls think about week 2? I am not sure what to think of these girls. There are some serious beotches this season!!!! Ha! I am not too sure about the chick that knows all about him and Ty. That is a little disturbing. Also, I am NOT liking Megan. What is wrong with that girl? And then there is Erica, what is wrong with her? She just wants drama.

So far my early pick to win is Melissa, but we'll see. What did you think about last night?

Weekend Wrapup

First off, I know you have all been anxiously waiting to hear what my big surprise was last night!!! First, we went to eat at Porter's Steakhouse inside the Read House hotel where our reception was. This is one of the nicest places to eat in town, but it is mega expensive, so it is a once ever year or two kind of place! I already knew that I needed to pack a bag for the night, so I was super excited to hear we were spending the night there too!!!! Just like we did the night we got married! It was a lot of fun and they have the most comfy beds you will EVER sleep in!

Next, let me thank all of you for the encouraging comments you left me yesterday. I can tell that I have a lot prayers being sent my way because I have such a calm peace over me today. I have a dr appt tomorrow and we will begin our next steps then. I will tell you more about that later this week. Please continue to pray that we will have peace with our situation and wisdom to make the right decisions.

I also want to wish my favorite little boy in the whole wide world a VERY HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!!!! I love you Dawson (and your mommy too)!!!!! I hope your second year is as wonderfully fabulous as you are!!! Judging by this picture, you sure enjoyed your first day as a 1 year old!!!!

The Rain Just Won't Go Away

It just seems that the rain will not go away. We are one month out from our fire today and we have had almost 20 days of rain. Where has the sun gone? I am ready for it to come out in more than one way. I am starting to lose hope in our journey to have a family and it seems that everytime we get ahead with the house, we get another step back. Yes, we have our check and a builder lined up, but according to citimortgage, it is not that easy. Now we have to mail them the check with all these forms that we have to fill out, a contract with the builder, and plans of our hosue. Surprise! I am just completely over everything!

I wish I could explain how sad it is to not have a home to go to at night, know if your stuff is ok, or even be able to just have some privacy. This would be hard enough if my heart was not so sad and broken over not being blessed with a baby yet. I don't want to ask why, but sometimes I just have to ask. Why does God give single teenage mothers babies and not us? Why does God give drug users babies and not us? Why did God allow lightening to strike our home? Yes, I know, we are very fortunate that we still have our things and that our home is still standing, but why can't we catch a break? I've been struggling a lot over the last few days to understand just these things and it is going to get harder and harder the closer we get to our due date in February. We are going to be undergoing a lot of tests soon to try to figure out what is going on that keeps us from getting pregnant. I just pray that if there is a problem, that it is easy to fix. Right now it is hard for me to go anywhere. I see babies or families everywhere I go and it is getting hard for me. I used to spend hours on babiesrus.com and target.com picking out what I would want on my registry. I can't do that anymore, it just makes me cry.

I always hate posting on days when I feel so down, but it helps to make me feel better. Please pray for us to hang on to hope and not lose our focus. Please pray that I can end up having a good time tonight on our surprise anniversary date. (which BTW, looks like an overnight trip downtown!!!!!) Please pray that our new dr will be able to figure out what is going on that makes it impossible for us to become parents and that it will be easy to correct. One last thing, please also pray for us as we begin the process to rebuild, that it will not take too long and we will be back in before we know it.

Let the Building Begin!!!!

We got our BIG check in the mail yesterday from Farm Bureau and as soon as we can talk to the mortgage company (who has to oversee since they "own" the home), then we can begin reconstruction!!!! They also sent an itemized list of all repairs and all the rooms will be gutted to the studs and re insulated and sheet rocked. I get all new flooring and light fixtures as well. Basically as of right now, we get all new things except appliances (that can change if we get power back on and they were surged), windows, doors, and plumbing equipment. So, today I get to call the mortgage company for the ok to cash the check and then we will call the builder to meet with him for our final decision on exactly how we want to rebuild.


Thanks for all the anniversary well wishes! We had a great anniversary, but won't actually be going out to celebrate until tomorrow night. Michael has a surprise lined up!!!!

4 Years Ago...

January 8, 2005

I married the best husband anyone could ask for!!!!! I have been so blessed in my life between being blessed with such a great husband, having the best parents anyone could ask for, a wonderful family and friends, the best job ever, I really don't know what I would do without any of these. I pray that this year can be the best year yet! We have everything we could ever ask for except the one thing we want the most. I hope and pray that we get that gift this year!

Here are a couple of my favorite pictures from our wedding.

The Bachelor Recap Week 1

I have decided that I am going to do a Bachelor Recap every Tuesday morning. Ths is where everyone can write in what they thought about the show!

So, here are some odd things I noticed before I fell asleep half way through it! Oops! I am planning on watching it tonight. Haha! I thought it was interesting how many single moms were on there. Also, what about DeAnna coming back? I liked her until she picked Jesse and now she is just going to get on my nerves. Let the poor guy pick someone that loves him (well, as much as any of these girls are actually going to). Oh, and I almost forgot, my other favorite part of the previews, what is this about some chick coming home in his clothes??? Are they for real?!

I still don't know how I could have gone to sleep! I have been waiting a LOOOOOONG 4 months for this! I love Jason!!!!

Decorating Opinions Needed!

We've started getting ideas together for paint colors when we start repainting. Here is what I am thinking right now. What do you think?

Foyer/Living Room/Hallway/Laundry Room: a light Olive Green (not too dark)

Kitchen/Dining Room: all Red or brown with a red accent wall in the dining room (the cabinets and countertops will stay the same as they are now)

Master Bed: Light Blue (we will still use our chocolate brown curtains that have blue circles on them and our white comforter)

All Baths: Chocolate Brown

Guest Rooms: Medium Brown

Our ceilings are white and we have bright white crown molding in all rooms. The hardwood in the main living area is going to be a dark cherry color and the tile in the kitchen and baths are a medium brown.

Happy 2009!!!!

Welcome 2009, we are more than happy to see you!!!!!

Last night we went over to my best friend Lauren's house where we cooked some chili, ate a lot, and watched some tv. I have to say that I am a bad blogger and I forgot my camera at home, so no pictures. :( It was a quiet, low key new year's, but after everything we have been through I was ok with that! I have to add that I have never been so glad to see a new year. At midnight I had a feeling that this year is going to be our best ever!!! I guess now we just have to wait and see what it has in store for us!

Today we slept in and then went to Fox and Hound to watch the Georgia game and eat some lunch. Then we came home and I took a nap (a very lazy day!!!) and Michael went to hang out at his friend Rodney's house for a while.

I hope everyone has a healthy, happy, and fabulous 2009!!!!

One more thing! HELP!!!! I want to do a cute header for my page and add twitter. Can someone tell me how?