Monday, February 20, 2012

The Best Thing Can Be The Hardest Thing

Once upon a time there were two little old ladies, Myrtle and Louella. They would dress up in their finest and meet at various places for tea (even once on a bench at the zoo!). Then one day Louella had to watch Myrtle suffer from an ugly disease, dementia...

For those of you who follow me on Twitter and Facebook, you know the past two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me and that I've watched my mom make the hardest decision she will ever make. We had to make the decision to put my Nana in an assisted living facility & with that came a reality that I can no longer ignore. I've spent the past nine years believing, take that back, I knew better, WANTING to believe my Nana was ok. In fact, she wasn't. The reality is that MY Nana that was always my best friend, my biggest fan, the person I always called first, had changed and wasn't the same person any longer.
No, she hasn't moved on to heaven and I'm thankful for that, but the person that she has always been is not still here. She still know us, loves us the same, but it is different. She wouldn't know what to say or how to act if I called with huge news. She just wouldn't get it. She can no longer live alone. That is the big one. My Nana is known for her independence and domineering ways. That is gone. Ultimately that is the hardest part for me.

I could never begin to put into words the relationship I have with my Nana. I'm sure so many others have a similar relationship with their grandmother. She has always been there for me and she has always dropped whatever, whenever to run if I needed her.  I didn't have a relationship at all with my other grandmother and I believe that is one reason why I have always been the center of her universe. I have two cousins who I know she loves just as much as she loves me, but our relationship was always different.
When I was born, I was the only grandchild for five years. It seems as though i only went to my house to sleep...when they made me go! She picked me up from daycare almost every day, we played dress up, we sang songs, & even watched soaps together (i was in preschool). We had a game we played where we pretended to be two old ladies meeting for tea. I was Louella Snodgrass & she was Myrtle Higgonbottom (don't ask, I have no clue! Ha!). She has always called me Luella, even as recently as a few months ago. I guess the time has come for Louella & Myrtle to have tea in the old folks home! It was bound to happen, considering they've been old ladies for 30 years! Hahaha!
Of everything I can say about my Nana, she loves the Lord with all of her heart...even more than she does her family. She was always very active in her church & made sure we loved God too. I can't remember a time in my life that she didn't tell me to always love Him first, my family second, & never let anyone run over me because God will always give me the strength to handle anything and anyone. Such wise words! :-)

No matter when The Lord decides to take her home, I think part of me has already started to mourn the loss of MY Nana, my Myrtle, my biggest fan. I plan to make the time I have left with her as meaningful as I can. I am so blessed to be able to call her my Nana and I thank the Lord everyday for making me just like her.