Monday, May 9, 2011

My First Mother's Day

For a few years Mother's Day was a hard day for us.  Michael's mother passed away in 2005 and within a couple of years we were dealing with infertility.  It was a day I dreaded and wished wouldn't come.  I loved being able to share the day with my mom and Nana, but at the same time it was a huge reminder of what I didn't have, a baby to call me Mommy.  Last year I was almost 9 months pregnant and full of excitement and nervous for what the next year would bring.  I couldn't wait until the day that my very own baby would say Mama!  Yesterday morning I was awakened by the the sweetest thing I have ever heard, Nicholas was yelling "Mama" over the monitor for the first time (he started saying Mama about 3 weeks ago, but never to call me from his bed).  It was the best Mother's Day gift anyone could have given me!  The past year has been the most wonderful year I've ever had.  I'm so honored that this sweet, precious baby calls me Mama.

We were very busy yesterday.  We had lunch with Michael's Dad, Grandfather, sister, and Mamaw and then went to the cemetery where his Grandmother and Mom are buried.  This was Nicholas' second trip there, but the first since he was 5 weeks old.  Here is Michael, Nicholas, Melissa, and their Dad at his Mom's grave.  We wish more than anything she could have known Nicholas.
 Nicholas is REALLY into cheesing it up for the camera these days!  Here he is at his Great-Grandmother Mitchell's grave.  She would have LOVED this picture!
 Last night we went to my parent's house for dinner with my parents, Nana, and my Aunt's family.  Nicholas was all about his Gigi.  He only wanted to see her.  I guess he knew it was her special day!
 I have been so blessed.  I have a wonderful mother who is my best friend and the most supportive person in my life, and a fabulous Grandmother to Nicholas.
 Nicholas loves my mom almost, if not more than me, and that makes me so happy.  All of my life my Nana was my biggest fan.  She always supported me in anything that I did, played dress up with me more times than either of us could ever count, and taught me more about life than anyone I'll ever know.  I love that Nicholas and my mom have a similar relationship.  Here is four generations of our family, My Nana, Mom, me, and Nicholas (who was so tired he didn't want his picture taken anymore!).
This is just to show what a difference a year makes...
I was HUGE at 9 months pregnant, swollen, and tired!  Haha!

I spent a lot of time last night remembering how far I've come in just a couple of years.  Two years ago was some of the darkest days of my life.  I spent a lot of time the week of Mother's Day crying tears of desperation and begging God to give me a healthy, happy baby.  I did a series of posts that week that made me cry when I went back and read through them.  I was in such a low, sad place and it was so hard to read those posts.  God had a BIG plan for my life that I realized I needed to slow down and wait for, but it was hard to be patient and to wait.  If anyone wants to go back and read those they are all in my posts from May 2009.  Today I had a patient that I had never met before tell me Happy Belated Mother's Day.  All I could say when I heard that was, what if I was still in THAT place?  I could feel a deep pain in my heart just thinking about that.  I want everyone to know that is still waiting to become a Mommy that I pray for you every day, sometimes several times a day.  I remember the pain that you feel and I understand the desperation you feel every day.  I'm praying tonight that you all get to enjoy your first Mother's Day NEXT year!