Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Getting Real

I know most of you know our story, but today Amy has asked that we share our stories of struggles to encourage others.  We struggled with IF for 23 months, two miscarriages, and a lot of disappointment before being blessed with Nicholas. Most of this is the post I used to announce our miracle baby was on the way last December, but I thought it would be good to share again.

But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day."
Habakkuk 2:3

Two Years ago, we decided we were ready to have a baby. We had been married almost three years, we had a nice house, good jobs, and it just seemed the right time. How hard could it be?! Six months later we were FINALLY (yes, we THOUGHT it had been a long time, HA, we were wrong!!!) pregnant and so excited. We ran out and told everyone we knew within forty-eight hours and began to prepare for our baby. We bought books, picked out names, did everything a normal pregnant couple would do. Our naive happiness came to an end at 8 weeks when an ultrasound showed an empty sac without a baby. I was scheduled for a D&C two days later and we began to wonder how much longer our wait would be. Again, we were innocent and naive!

Three months later, in October, we had a chemical pregnancy. My OB at the time thought it was just "bad luck" and refused to do any repeated loss blood work. After much prayer, thought, and discussion with some people I trusted, I decided to get a second opinion from an OB that works closely with my surgeons. He agreed that there probably wasn't anything wrong and for me to just keep using ovulation tests and call him when it worked. That was November 4, 2008.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my HOPE. Psalms 130:5

On December 10, lightning struck out house and caught fire, causing almost $100,000 worth of damage and a whole LOT of stress. We decided to postpone TTC until we were back in our house. There was just TOO many other stressors in our life at that time. Well, God had other plans, we found out we were pregnant on December 20!

Again, we were excited, but a little guarded and didn't make any announcements. However, in the back of our minds we all thought, it can't happen twice, and how often does lightning strike your house in December!!!! It has to be ok! We can't be THAT unlucky! Well, we were. At a 6week US, again, there was no baby, just an empty sac. I took cytotec and passed everything on my own at home without surgical intervention to try to help in case there was any kind of uterine abnormality causing my problems.

At that point my Dr did a series of US, dye study, and lab work. Everything was normal except I had a clotting disorder. It was determined that it was POSSIBLY the cause of my infertility, but only time would tell. I also continued to have long cycles (like 40-50 days) and finally in July my Dr agreed to start medicated cycles with the plan of an IUI in November at the two year mark if no success on our own with meds.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a HOPE and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I took clomid in August and all it did was make me crazy! No dominate egg or even an ovulation. We agreed to try femara in September. I loved it, no side effects at all! It was great. However the first cycle didn't work, so I tried it again in October. It gave us a HUGE 29mm follicle and our last shot on our own before trying an IUI in November.

As we got closer to the end of the cycle we realized we were not going to be able to afford an IUI or an injectable cycle until the first of the year. I began to fall into the depression I was in a year ago. I felt hopeless and scared. What if all we needed was an IUI and after two years, two months seemed like forever until I'd be able to try. Again, God has His own timing and plans.  God gave us a wonderful gift and surprise on October 31, 2009!

The Lord will do great things for me, and I will be filled with joy. I will sow in tears, then I will reap with songs of joy. (Psalm 126:3,5)

My sweet miracle baby, Nicholas was born on Thursday, July 1, 2010.  He is a healthy, happy, blessing from God.  I pray every day for those of you on the journey I was on a year ago.  I know your pain and I know the desire you have for a baby.  Please do not lose hope.  For everything happens in God's time, not our own.  I know how hard that is to understand, but trust me, everything happens in perfect timing!