But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day."
Two Years ago, we decided we were ready to have a baby. We had been married almost three years, we had a nice house, good jobs, and it just seemed the right time. How hard could it be?! Six months later we were FINALLY (yes, we THOUGHT it had been a long time, HA, we were wrong!!!) pregnant and so excited. We ran out and told everyone we knew within forty-eight hours and began to prepare for our baby. We bought books, picked out names, did everything a normal pregnant couple would do. Our naive happiness came to an end at 8 weeks when an ultrasound showed an empty sac without a baby. I was scheduled for a D&C two days later and we began to wonder how much longer our wait would be. Again, we were innocent and naive!
Three months later, in October, we had a chemical pregnancy. My OB at the time thought it was just "bad luck" and refused to do any repeated loss blood work. After much prayer, thought, and discussion with some people I trusted, I decided to get a second opinion from an OB that works closely with my surgeons. He agreed that there probably wasn't anything wrong and for me to just keep using ovulation tests and call him when it worked. That was November 4, 2008.
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my HOPE. Psalms 130:5
On December 10, lightning struck out house and caught fire, causing almost $100,000 worth of damage and a whole LOT of stress. We decided to postpone TTC until we were back in our house. There was just TOO many other stressors in our life at that time. Well, God had other plans, we found out we were pregnant on December 20!
Again, we were excited, but a little guarded and didn't make any announcements. However, in the back of our minds we all thought, it can't happen twice, and how often does lightning strike your house in December!!!! It has to be ok! We can't be THAT unlucky! Well, we were. At a 6week US, again, there was no baby, just an empty sac. I took cytotec and passed everything on my own at home without surgical intervention to try to help in case there was any kind of uterine abnormality causing my problems.
At that point my Dr did a series of US, dye study, and lab work. Everything was normal except I had a clotting disorder. It was determined that it was POSSIBLY the cause of my infertility, but only time would tell. I also continued to have long cycles (like 40-50 days) and finally in July my Dr agreed to start medicated cycles with the plan of an IUI in November at the two year mark if no success on our own with meds.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a HOPE and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
I took clomid in August and all it did was make me crazy! No dominate egg or even an ovulation. We agreed to try femara in September. I loved it, no side effects at all! It was great. However the first cycle didn't work, so I tried it again in October. It gave us a HUGE 29mm follicle and our last shot on our own before trying an IUI in November.
As we got closer to the end of the cycle we realized we were not going to be able to afford an IUI or an injectable cycle until the first of the year. I began to fall into the depression I was in a year ago. I felt hopeless and scared. What if all we needed was an IUI and after two years, two months seemed like forever until I'd be able to try. Again, God has His own timing and plans.
The Lord will do great things for me, and I will be filled with joy. I will sow in tears, then I will reap with songs of joy. (Psalm 126:3,5)
God gave us a wonderful gift and surprise on October 31, 2009! I lived in constant fear that something would go wrong for the next three weeks then on November 20, God gave us this early Thanksgiving gift.
Our baby had a heartbeat and was growing perfectly! I think I may have won the award for craziest patient of the day! Ha! I was crying and laughing at the same time and couldn't quit starring at the screen!
We went back on yesterday to measure the heartbeat and to get on a regular routine of 8 weeks, 12 weeks, etc. I was so excited to see our baby again and I knew I would be completely at peace with making my announcement after I saw the heartbeat again, but Dr. Smith did something even more awesome, he tried to let us hear the heartbeat (it was still a little early) and we did. It was the most amazing, awesome sound I've ever heard. All I could do is look at the screen and back to Michael a few times. I couldn't even talk (for those that know me, that is saying A LOT! Ha!)
Everything was PERFECT! Heart rate of 158 at 8w2d.
8 weeks 2 days
Due July 14, 2010
As I write this post I have had a lot of emotions. It is a post I've written in my mind for two years. However, when it came time to put it all into words, I drew a blank. One, I wanted this post to share our story and hopefully the beginning of our happy ending. Also, I know many of you reading this are crying for a different reason. You don't understand why it is never your turn to write a post like this. Over the past five weeks as I've gone over what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it, I've been overwhelmed with emotion when I think of those of you who read this post and felt your heart sink because it isn't you. I know that feeling. I've been there, every day for a long time (although I know not as long as others). Please know that I pray for you, many of you by name, multiple times a day. I have such a burden in my heart for you because I've been in your shoes and I've walked your road. It is such a lonely place that way too many of us know well. I know you will all have a post like this one day. For those of you who don't understand and haven't walked that road, please go HERE and pray for those waiting on their miracle.
Now FAITH is being sure of what we HOPE for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1