Saturday, December 5, 2009

It's All In God's Timing

But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day."
Habakkuk 2:3

Two Years ago, we decided we were ready to have a baby. We had been married almost three years, we had a nice house, good jobs, and it just seemed the right time. How hard could it be?! Six months later we were FINALLY (yes, we THOUGHT it had been a long time, HA, we were wrong!!!) pregnant and so excited. We ran out and told everyone we knew within forty-eight hours and began to prepare for our baby. We bought books, picked out names, did everything a normal pregnant couple would do. Our naive happiness came to an end at 8 weeks when an ultrasound showed an empty sac without a baby. I was scheduled for a D&C two days later and we began to wonder how much longer our wait would be. Again, we were innocent and naive!

Three months later, in October, we had a chemical pregnancy. My OB at the time thought it was just "bad luck" and refused to do any repeated loss blood work. After much prayer, thought, and discussion with some people I trusted, I decided to get a second opinion from an OB that works closely with my surgeons. He agreed that there probably wasn't anything wrong and for me to just keep using ovulation tests and call him when it worked. That was November 4, 2008.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my HOPE. Psalms 130:5

On December 10, lightning struck out house and caught fire, causing almost $100,000 worth of damage and a whole LOT of stress. We decided to postpone TTC until we were back in our house. There was just TOO many other stressors in our life at that time. Well, God had other plans, we found out we were pregnant on December 20!

Again, we were excited, but a little guarded and didn't make any announcements. However, in the back of our minds we all thought, it can't happen twice, and how often does lightning strike your house in December!!!! It has to be ok! We can't be THAT unlucky! Well, we were. At a 6week US, again, there was no baby, just an empty sac. I took cytotec and passed everything on my own at home without surgical intervention to try to help in case there was any kind of uterine abnormality causing my problems.

At that point my Dr did a series of US, dye study, and lab work. Everything was normal except I had a clotting disorder. It was determined that it was POSSIBLY the cause of my infertility, but only time would tell. I also continued to have long cycles (like 40-50 days) and finally in July my Dr agreed to start medicated cycles with the plan of an IUI in November at the two year mark if no success on our own with meds.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a HOPE and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I took clomid in August and all it did was make me crazy! No dominate egg or even an ovulation. We agreed to try femara in September. I loved it, no side effects at all! It was great. However the first cycle didn't work, so I tried it again in October. It gave us a HUGE 29mm follicle and our last shot on our own before trying an IUI in November.

As we got closer to the end of the cycle we realized we were not going to be able to afford an IUI or an injectable cycle until the first of the year. I began to fall into the depression I was in a year ago. I felt hopeless and scared. What if all we needed was an IUI and after two years, two months seemed like forever until I'd be able to try. Again, God has His own timing and plans.

The Lord will do great things for me, and I will be filled with joy. I will sow in tears, then I will reap with songs of joy. (Psalm 126:3,5)

God gave us a wonderful gift and surprise on October 31, 2009! I lived in constant fear that something would go wrong for the next three weeks then on November 20, God gave us this early Thanksgiving gift.

Our baby had a heartbeat and was growing perfectly! I think I may have won the award for craziest patient of the day! Ha! I was crying and laughing at the same time and couldn't quit starring at the screen!

We went back on yesterday to measure the heartbeat and to get on a regular routine of 8 weeks, 12 weeks, etc. I was so excited to see our baby again and I knew I would be completely at peace with making my announcement after I saw the heartbeat again, but Dr. Smith did something even more awesome, he tried to let us hear the heartbeat (it was still a little early) and we did. It was the most amazing, awesome sound I've ever heard. All I could do is look at the screen and back to Michael a few times. I couldn't even talk (for those that know me, that is saying A LOT! Ha!)
Everything was PERFECT! Heart rate of 158 at 8w2d.

Baby Ledford
8 weeks 2 days
Due July 14, 2010

As I write this post I have had a lot of emotions. It is a post I've written in my mind for two years. However, when it came time to put it all into words, I drew a blank. One, I wanted this post to share our story and hopefully the beginning of our happy ending. Also, I know many of you reading this are crying for a different reason. You don't understand why it is never your turn to write a post like this. Over the past five weeks as I've gone over what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it, I've been overwhelmed with emotion when I think of those of you who read this post and felt your heart sink because it isn't you. I know that feeling. I've been there, every day for a long time (although I know not as long as others). Please know that I pray for you, many of you by name, multiple times a day. I have such a burden in my heart for you because I've been in your shoes and I've walked your road. It is such a lonely place that way too many of us know well. I know you will all have a post like this one day. For those of you who don't understand and haven't walked that road, please go HERE and pray for those waiting on their miracle.

Now FAITH is being sure of what we HOPE for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

48 comments:

Todd and Courtney said...

I'm so glad you posted this. I've been looking forward to reading it ever since you told me. And I LOVED the text message picture you sent :) Sooooo happy for you and Lauren can't wait for her new BFF to arrive.

Taylor said...

Amanda,
I am a lurker and I have read your blog for several months, in fact it is a daily read for me. I had been worrying about you lately and was becoming concerned because you felt distant from your blog. I cried when I read your post. (I interupted my husbands football game to share your good news!, ha!) What a blessing, what an answered prayer!!!! I am over the moon for you, your husband, and little one on the way! I am smiling and crying for you! I will continue to pray for you and your family, but tonight I am in awe of God's work and your strength as you become a mommy! LOVES, Taylor Deatherage

Michelle said...

Amanda, you just brought me to tears. I know what you are feeling and I know how happy your are . After the many years of trying myself and loosing 2 babies I know how it feels to finally have that little sweet baby in there and seeing that heart beat. Your story will inspire many other people. It all happens when it is suppose to. It is hard to understand that when you have to wait month after month.
God Bless you and Michael. I can not be more happier for you.

Michelle

Allison said...

Amanda, I am also a lurker and I came here from Kelly's Korner. I want you to know that I just cried when I read this post. I am soooo excited for you. I am a mommy to 2 and the first came with some trying too. God bless you on this journey and I will continue to pray for you.

Sonya said...

Amanda, I have read your blog for awhile and I am so excited for you! God's timing is perfect! You are due on my birthday! I'm excited to follow your blog during this journey.

Anna said...

I'm so happy for you! And yeah, you made me cry, but that's okay because you deserve this!!!! You've been through so much and have remained faithful throughout. I really look up to you because of that. Love ya!

Anonymous said...

Amanda, I've been reading blog for about a year or so now, I found you thru Kelly's Korner. I just want you to know that as I sit here writing this comment, the tears are just running down my face!! I'm SO happy for you and your family! I feel that God has lead me to your blog to prepare me for what may be in my future. I was diagnosed a year ago with severe endometriosis, had surgery in June to remove most of my right ovary and laser off the visible endometrial tissue. I was told at about 6 weeks postop that if I wanted to have children, now was my best shot at it. Needless to say, 6 months later, I'm not pregnant. I know that it's not a long time to be waiting at all but 2 weeks ago I was told that my only option for conception is IVF. Needless to say, my husband and I are devastated.
I want you to know that you have truely been an inspiration to me and my husband. I look forward to reading your posting on your blog!I wish you all the luck in the world with this pregnancy!! You deserve this!!!! I'm SO happy for you! I've been praying for you and for this day!!!
Shannon
Pittsburgh, PA

Melissa said...

Amazing Story! I am extremely happy for the both of you. Congrats!

Jennifer said...

I agree with Courtney. I have been waiting for this post! You know I am soooooo excited for you! I can't wait to hear all about your pregnancy over the next several months!

Kristi said...

OMG! I am crying and can't stop. PRAISE GOD!!! I have been praying for you and many others who are struggling, because I was there 2 years ago. I have 2 precious 18 month old twin girls that were born 11 weeks early. But after 3 years of struggling we became pregnant the day after Thanksgiving from IVF. God works in amazing ways, and his timing is best. I am so happy for you and your family. I will continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy and baby. By the way, you are so right, hearing that heartbeat that you have longed to hear for years is the best sound ever.

Clementsville: Population of 4! said...

PRAISE GOD, I have been praying for you and I am beyond happy for you both!!! Congratulations, you deserve this miracle!! Enjoy every moment!!

Katie

jlmcclure said...

Congratulations!

Shanna said...

OMG! I'm so excited; I just got teary eyed. I'm so glad I got on blogger tonight & got to hear the big news! Ya'll have been in my prayers daily ever since I began reading your blog this time last year after the fire, and I am so excited for ya'll. This is just proof of how God hears prayers & answers them in his own timing! I know so many have been praying for you & we will all continue to do so as Baby Ledford grows & thrives! Congrats Amanda; I know how happy you must be!!!!

Kendra said...

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! That is soooo exciting Amanda!! Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!!!

I am soooo happy for you and Michael! I will be praying for you and for baby Ledford to keep growing healthy and strong!

That is so neat you got to hear your babies heartbeat...isn't it the most beautiful sound you've ever heard?!? It still makes me cry every time...

Ashley Thomas said...

Amanda-
I found your blog through Kelly's Korner and have been reading your blog for about a year now. I cannot begin to tell you how excited and happy I am for you and Michael! I can't wait to read all about the amazing things to come!

Ashley Thomas
South Pittsburg, TN

Becky said...

I have never walked your road but my sweet daughter did - although she handled it more gracefully than I. I am so thankful for your good news! What a perfect gift.

Lauren Kelly said...

YAY!!!!!!!! Soooooo excited for you. Congrats!!!!! God is so good! :)

evansfamilyadventures said...

I am so excited for you! I have been praying and thinking about you often. You will be a wonderful mother! Congratulations!

Claire

Lianna Knight said...

Nicely put Amanda!!!

I am so thankful for your praise and know that God will bless you DOUBLE for the heartache you experienced waiting for this bundle of joy :)

Michelle said...

Congratulations Amanda! This is great news. I have been praying for you and also waiting to read a post like this from you for quite some time. I am just so happy and excited for you. Yay for Baby Ledford!

Beth said...

Congratulatins to you and Michael! I'm SO happy for you. I can't wait to read about the updates on Baby Ledford :)

Anonymous said...

So, so happy for you in South Carolina!!!! Enjoy and God bless all three of you!

L Epting, Cola, SC

Stacy said...

I also found you through Kelly's Korner and I love your blog, I am so happy for you!

Sarah said...

Amanda,
This is the most awesome news! I am so happy for you! God is just amazing and so good! Congratulations on your little one!

Lauren said...

SO EXCITED!!

Is it bad that I already want to start having things monogrammed?? :)

Amy said...

Amanda.. I found you thru Kellys Korner last year and have been praying for you for the past year. It is truly a joy and blessing to read your heartfelt words. We are praying for you!!!

Jess said...

I, too, have read regularly and prayed for you and Michael. To be perfectly honest, sometimes I wondered how you found the strength to keep trying. I know it was through your faith, though, and your baby is living proof that God still does do miracles!

Angela said...

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I read this post and cautiously scrolled down, I was soooo hoping that this is where it was going! I am so happy for you!

Aishlea and Brandon said...

Congratulations!!!

Jenna said...

I've been eagerly awaiting this post! SO HAPPY FOR YOU!

The Ormons said...

WOW.... I am so happy for you. I started reading your post and I thought... she is pregnant I bet. I couldn't read it fast enough. I was crying for you and with chills. What a wonderful feeling. I am so thrilled for you.

Vicky said...

I have been a lurker for some time now... I am soooo happy for you. That's fantastic news. I know and understand where you are coming from. I have gone through two IVF cycles and I am expecting my second child as a result of those two cycles in a couple of weeks!!! Congratulations!!! You'll be a great mother!

Warf pary of 3 said...

YEAH!! I knew it was going to happen this time. You were able to make your Christmas announcment. Landon's birthday is July 14 so they could share a birthday or at least have a close birthday. Cant wait for baby belly pic's now.

Guy and Julie said...

SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your testimony just gives me chills--God has brought you through so much in the past year and longer. He is an amazing God, and I'm SOOOOOO thankful for your sweet little baby. Now praying for a happy healthy pregnancy and that you will be able to love and enjoy every single second!!

IrishBelle1996 said...

Amanda,

Along with a few others above, I am also a lurker, finding your blog from Kelly's Korner. I am so happy for you! What a Christmas gift for you! :) May God Continue to Bless you and your family!

Anonymous said...

I have been "stalking" your blog for a while hoping & praying for your BFP.I got chills reading your post tonight! I had a BFP (my 3rd baby) Nov. 2, 2009 and I'm also due July 14th!

Anonymous said...

I'm another luker but I had to leave a comment and let you know that I am so excited for you. I know you are so excited and I can't wait to see your sweet baby. I'm also due in July...hoping you are not as sick as I am. I know these sweet babies will be worth it.
Amanda in Louisiana

Amanda said...

Congratulations!!! So glad that you have a praise!!!!

Brooke said...

Congrats to you! God is good!

You are in my prayers.

God Bless.

Natalie said...

I am just THRILLED for you both!! I knew this day would be coming for us readers - I just knew it!!

Praying for a healthy pregnancy!!

Love from Tampa,
Natalie

The Kelley Family said...

Hey there. I just wanted to say Congrats!!! I found your blog awhile ago and have loved reading it. I am very excited for you and your husband and can't wait to hear about your journey. You story gives me hope that hopefully soon I will have my own story to tell. Again congrats!!

Kristen and Andy said...

Congrats on your WONDERFUL news....apparently I have been lagging behind in the blog world the last few days. I was so excited to read this post. I've been reading your blog for about a year now and have walked in your shoes. Our daugther took over 2 years to get pregnant and was such a blessing when we finally got that BFP! Now here we are 2 years later and expecting a little boy - completely shocked us as we weren't even trying. Its definitely all in God's timing. Congrats again - looking forward to following you on your pregnancy journey :)

Kristen
http://crowsnest2008.blogspot.com/

Estep Family said...

absolutely AWESOME news! Congrats to you & I will keep you and baby in my prayers always!

Mommy 2 One Angel said...

I'm one of your lurking readers that has never commented but I've been reading your blog for months. You have been in my prayers and I'm SO happy to hear your good news! God is simply amazing! Your sweet baby is so blessed already! God bless you and your family!

Jenn said...

Amanda,
I am so happy for you. Although I was very pleased to get your text, it made it even more special to read this on your blog. congratulations to a great new life ahead!!

Amy said...

Congratulations! Your post brought tears to my eyes! Beautiful message...thank you for sharing your heart on this! Congratulations!!!

Regina and David said...

I am a first time visitor to your blog. I enjoyed your site and especially enjoyed reading your story. Congrats on the pregnancy!! I'll say a prayer that all will continue to go well. We have been married 13 1/2 years and are finally expecting our first child June 2! God is Good!

Stacy Brown said...

Congrats! The verses go wonderfully with this!