Mother's Day Week

This week is going to have it's ups and downs for me.  I remember last year thinking that it would be the last time I would spend Mother's Day without being a mother.  It is hard to believe that so much has happened to us in our journey to be parents in just a year and I am hoping that it will be true this year.  I have been so blessed to have the best mother and Grandmother in the world and I want so much to share that with a child of my own.  Because I have both my Mom and Nana, I am looking forward to spending Mother's Day with them, but I know that at the same time my heart will hurt even more than normal.  It is the one day that recognizes the one thing I want to be most in the world and another day that it will feel like everyone ignores my pain and despair.

So, what am I going to do about it?  I am going to do my very best (which might not be much) to try to encourage those of us on this journey to being a Mother this week.  I am going to post each day how I am feeling (whether it be positive or negative) and also a poem, scripture or song that encourages me in hopes that it will help you to also have HOPE on Mother's Day! Remember, we MUST HAVE HOPE!  I hope this will help us all get through Mother's Day with HOPE that we will have our first one next year!

I read this poem a lot.  It gives me so much HOPE and says so much about how I feel sometimes.  There are so many nights that I wake up and the first thought I have is about infertility.  I also spend a lot of time crying and praying during my private time that no one knows about or sees.  The line that states "my dream will be crying for me" is my favorite line because I KNOW I will remember it and cry tears of happiness over it when I am feeding a baby at 3 am!  I plan to do a LOT of praising God and giving thanks at 3 am!!!!

I know a lot of you also feel the very same way I do.  I hope if you have not seen this poem that it will touch you as much as it has me since I found it on another blog last summer.  

(I also do not want to hurt the feelings of those who may read my blog that have children or those of you who may not have suffered from infertility.  You are all WONDERFUL mothers that love your children SO much!  I have learned so much by watching your example and I can only hope to be a mother like you one day!)

There are women who become mothers without effort, 
without thought, 
without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of

 genetics or money or because I have read more books, 

but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, 

the people who truly have appreciation 

are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep,
explore, and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him

 and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.  

My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; 

that God has given me this insight, 

this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to 

or a child that God leads me to, 

I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. 

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. 

I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, 

yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, 

I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. 

I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.  

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, 

of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.

 I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.