Let's rewind a couple of weeks and recap a crazy day in my life. It was a Friday and my stress level and emotions were at a high because two days earlier day care administration decided that Nicholas should be sent home with a 24/hr sick suspension because they felt the rule we had been following related to the treatment of a rash was suddenly not good enough. Great. Then I find out that if I had just provided evidence we are using the medication we had been prescribed, he could have come back without a 24/hr leave. When he went back to school that Friday he cried and didn't want me to leave him. I had enough at that point. It was only 8am and I lost it. I had not sleep much for a few nights, spent 10 minutes trying to find the pants I wanted to wear to work that day, Nicholas spent 15 minutes while trying get leave lying in the kitchen floor crying over not wanting cereal, but rather oatmeal (after requesting the cereal), then a potty accident on the way to day care that led to me changing an embarrassed 3 year old in the bathroom at school first thing at drop off, who then cried because he was embarrassed and that I had to leave him, topped off with the news a day off for a "sick" child could have been avoided. I cried as I crossed the street from day care to work. I was stressed and it was only 8am! Then I was busting it to complete a section of my project by the end of the day when I ended up juggling some unexpected patient problems. Cue the tears number 2 by 10am. After work I spent 4 hours tagging for the sale and when it was done at 11:30pm. I crashed and had an ugly cry. I was emotionally and physically exhausted and thank goodness it was the end of the week.
That was a week when I felt overwhelmed, that I could not balance all of my hats and that I was failing everyone: my employer, patients, husband, and mostly my child. Having to chose between a child unable to attend day care and work is torture. Leaving a crying child that just wants his Mommy is heartbreaking. Then came the big lesson when I learned that it is ok to let something go and set priorities.
I was still planning to whip up some homemade Valentines to send the following week and as I finished the last two things on my list that Sunday, the scrapbook and meal prep. Michael could tell I was starting to stress over making Valentines. He told me to please just take N to the store and let him pick something he wants. Not stress over crafting something. I felt torn again. I kept seeing all these fabulous homemade Valentines on social media and I didn't want my child to feel like his Mommy let him down because we didn't spend time crafting his valentines. (Red flag, I'm clearly overthinking at this point. Keep in mind this child has no clue that creating our own Valentines was even an option. Let me also say that I think it's awesome that some of you made those cute valentines, so please do not think I have anything against you at all! Again, I was sleep deprived and clearly delirious!) Nicholas ended up taking Spider-Man valentines complete with a heart shaped lollipop and I'm pretty sure he couldn't have loved them more.
(See also: I'm a crazy mom. I was so upset the 2 days we were home during the snow because that was prime crafting time...had we had any craft supplies. At this point I was really panicking that he would be the only one without cute little valentines, still not acknowledging the fact he could care less! I was surprised to see that no one handed out anything but valentines like we brought. Time for this crazy mom to calm down. No permanent psychological harm was done over Spider-Man valentines!)
The Valentine card lesson was definitely needed. It showed me sometimes as moms we worry too much. We also need to know that there comes a time when we have to let something go and know that no one is let down by us when it is all said and done. I'm learning to let go of my need to please everyone and admit that I can't do it all sometimes. So, that fellow stressed out Mommies, was the day I leaned a lesson. From Spider-Man Valentines.