Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Chapter 20, I Think

Cycle number 20, or so I think, is here. The plan for this month is to do Femara 5mg/day on cycle days 5-9 and an US on day 14, Monday, Oct 19. The only snag in the plan is my OB will be out of town for his kids Fall break the week of my US, but his partner who I also like will do the US.

After much debate over the past few months, thought and prayers, we've decided that this will be our last "natural" cycle before moving on to IUI with femara and trigger. I spoke to my dr's nurse about it today and depending on how well the femara works will decide about a trigger or not. Part of me is excited to try IUI, but the other part is sad that we can't just have a healthy pregnancy without such intervention. However, the decision is based on the fact that in November we will have been trying for 2 years and almost a year since our last miscarriage, we feel we owe it to ourselves to try the next step in the journey. For us, that is IUI with a trigger.

I wanted to write this yesterday on CD 1, but honestly I had a hard day. I knew before yesterday that the last cycle didn't work because I was in the hospital for the window of time I needed to have my US and ovulation, but it was still sad to know that this is it, the last cycle before the 2nd anniversary of TTC. I am honestly just sooooooooooo tired, irritated, desperate, and frustrated. I wonder a LOT why I am going through this (even though I know that is wrong). I know that in the end, no matter how we get a baby, it was the plan for us to have THAT baby. I also know that no matter what happens this cycle, everytime God closes one door he leads the way to a BETTER door.

12 comments:

Guy and Julie said...

Hang in there, Amanda. I'm still praying for you. This is so hard--I know how exhausted and frustrated you must be. Praying this is the one.

Todd and Courtney said...

praying for you every single day. Lauren does too :) She is excited about having a little friend. You will be the best mommy ever!

Lauren said...

One day, your son or daughter will love reading all of these and seeing how hard you tried and prayed to have him or her. :)

Kendra said...

I am very hopeful for you Amanda!!!

The IUI worked for us =)

I had a hard time accepting the need to pursue the assistance too...it was hard to swallow that I couldn't do it on my own.

But with a lot of prayer I realized that God's plan may include a different road than I planned.

Praying for wisdom for you and for peace in your heart.

Michelle said...

It will all work out and when it does you will look back and wonder why you worried so much! I did! Just keep praying and have faith.

Anna said...

Just think- maybe this month will work for us both. This will be the first month for both of us to give the Femara a fair shot. It would be awesome to be preggo together!

Emily said...

Praying for you, dear!

Lianna Knight said...

Praying for you Amanda!

Thena said...

Thought it was strange that I read these in sequence this morning. But there's also another blog I read that is very similiar to yours. I never take anything by accident. That's her link to her story. If interested in following you will have to email her, she went private yesterday. But I know it helps when theirs someone you can talk to that's walking the same road. http://russellssprouts.blogspot.com/2009/09/great-expectations.html

Sarah said...

I think all of us who struggle with infertility have those moments when we still wonder why this is happening. It's a hard path to walk, but you are keeping the faith and hanging in there. I'll say some prayers for you!

Lauren Kelly said...

Praying and thinking of you, sweet friend!!! :)

Anna said...

Hey, gave you an award!